If a cop pulls me over and he says papers and I say scissors does that mean I have won — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Success comes from doing what you enjoy. If you don't enjoy it, how can it be called success? — David Maister Copy Share Image
God gives us only what we can handle.. Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“What kinda vows?" Celibacy? I thought, though I didn't say it. Nobody keeps a celibacy vow anyway.” — Cassandra Rose Clarke Copy Share Image
Exercising Amendment (I) , If you have a problem I will demonstrate Amendment (II). — Jenny The Jawbreaker Copy Share Image
Weve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but dont know which way to sit on a lavatory. — Stephen Fry Copy Share Image
2 hour movie, 30 second sex scene. Guess which part your parents happen to walk in on? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife alwayz complains that I dont take her anywhere expensive so I tuk her 2 de gas station — Meshack Kimaro Copy Share Image
But with dogs, we do have "bad dog." Bad dog exists. "Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!" The dog… — Eddie Izzard Copy Share Image
When you're famous, you can't go to Topshop. Even when I disguise myself in a moustache, baseball cap, sunglasses - the full… — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
I think when you do comedy, you play by a different set of rules. No one really wants you to be in… — Seth Rogen Copy Share Image
A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed… — Ogden Nash Copy Share Image
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Before a clock was in the tower, Or e'er a watch was worn; I knew of night the passing hour, And prophesied… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I got the phone call that I was going to be on 'Drag Race' I thought I was going to win.… — Bob the Drag Queen Copy Share Image
Scamming not only be browsing but everybody has it own section: Pastor scam through preaching and politicians scam through electoion — Aduba Copy Share Image
