The accents are really really funny. I think I could convince somebody I was from New Zealand. — Carter Jenkins Copy Share Image
I don't spend much time on Twitter. I joined because I found it funny. — Tahar Rahim Copy Share Image
I don't have the first clue who he is talking about, because all I worry about is Jerome. — Jerome James Copy Share Image
Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem. — George Burns Copy Share Image
Coach Blatt is very, very knowledgeable about the game. And it just goes to show you that no matter where you're at,… — Joe Harris Copy Share Image
Him:what does salope mean? me:look it up in a dictionary! him:ok…umm this doesn't make sense... me:let me see...OHHH SHIT..you we're looking at… — Spanky Pants Copy Share Image
They say gay people have gaydar, which lets them figure out who else is gay. Waiters in expensive restaurants have something similar,… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I wasn't the class clown. I wasn't that obvious. There would be a circle of guys, and they're watching the class clown.… — Bob Newhart Copy Share Image
I usually go straight for coffee when I wake up. I start my day with a half hour meditation... but only after… — Tyler Henry Copy Share Image
Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep. — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
“So Jason, in England, do you eat these ‘Farmer burgers?’” Wong Tong asked. “Farmer burgers? I don’t know what they are?” “Maybe… — Mark A. Cooper Copy Share Image
I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
