Funny golf Quotes

You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

— Sam Snead

You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them.

— Jimmy Demaret

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.

— Sam Snead

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

— Robin Williams

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

— Keith Michael

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.

— Fletcher Knebel

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole.…

— Chuck Hogan

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the…

— Don Adams

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

— Ben Crenshaw

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.

— Ernie Banks

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

— Peter Dobereiner

I never learned anything from a match that I won.

— Bobby Jones

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

— George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a…

— Gerald R. Ford

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't.

— Tony Lema

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

— Will Rogers

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all…

— Bob Hope

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...

— Adlai Stevenson I

Why am I using a new putter? Because the last one didn't float too well.

— Craig Stadler

Luck is predictable; the harder you work, the luckier you get.

— Brian Tracy

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where…

— Bob Hope

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know…

— Robert Browning

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a…

— Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

— Madonna Ciccone