Funny golf Quotes

You know what they say about big hitters...the woods are full of them.

— Jimmy Demaret

Half of golf is fun; the other half is putting.

— Peter Dobereiner

The best advice I can give for playing a ball out of water is - don't.

— Tony Lema

Luck is predictable; the harder you work, the luckier you get.

— Brian Tracy

Sex is the most fun you can have without smiling.

— Madonna Ciccone

The more you play it the less you know about it.

— Patty Berg

Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.

— Robin Williams

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.

— Jimmy Demaret

I never pray to God to make a putt. I pray to God to help me react good if I miss a…

— Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.

— P. J. O'Rourke

Keep close count of your nickels and dimes, stay away from whiskey, and never concede a putt.

— Sam Snead

Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole.…

— Chuck Hogan

My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.

— George Robertson, Baron Robertson of Port Ellen

Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it's called…

— Alex Hay

The trouble that most of us find with the modern matched sets of clubs is that they don't really seem to know…

— Robert Browning

Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money…

— Rick Reilly

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you will go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all…

— Bob Hope

Never admit that your back goes out more than you do

— Joan Rivers

Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them.

— Kevin Costner

My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.

— Keith Michael

Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.

— Ernie Banks

Be funny on a golf course? Do I kid my best friend's mother about her heart condition?

— Phil Silvers

Golf is good for the soul. You get so mad at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.

— Will Rogers

That putt had more breaks than a government job.

— Brian Weiss

Nobody ever remembers who finished second at anything.

— Jack Nicklaus

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

— Lee Trevino

The better your attitude and the harder you work, the luckier you get.

— Robert G. Allen

Golf's three ugliest words: still your shot.

— Dave Marr

Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...

— Adlai Stevenson I

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.

— Chi Chi Rodriguez

I never learned anything from a match that I won.

— Bobby Jones

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

— Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf is a game in which you yell "for," shoot six, and write down five.

— Paul Harvey

You've just one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you've hit it.

— Sam Snead

I'm about five inches from being an outstanding golfer. That's the distance my left ear is from my right.

— Ben Crenshaw

One minute you're bleeding. The next minute you're hemorrhaging. The next minute you're painting the Mona Lisa.

— Mac O'Grady

I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. I had a hole in nothing. Missed the ball and sank the…

— Don Adams

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where…

— Bob Hope

Find a man with both feet firmly on the ground and you've found a man about to make a difficult putt.

— Fletcher Knebel

The woods are full of long drivers.

— Harvey Penick