My favorite part of the holiday season is blaming my long-term weight gain on the holiday season. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm dreaming of a Christmas as white but not nearly as depressing as the Republican party. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm flattered you actually think I can afford the things on your holiday wish list. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you're sad about being single this holiday season, remember that even Kim Kardashian is unmarried 293 days a year. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't believe you're alone over the holidays considering how easy you are to get into bed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And… — W. C. Fields Copy Share Image
Thanks for agreeing not to buy each other anything for Christmas and then making me feel guilty by buying something anyway. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whether you're offended by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don't really mean either. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there… — Max Lucado Copy Share Image
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's… — Arlo Guthrie Copy Share Image
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
