I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
Even if you're doing the national insurance awards, there's still that excitement when you wonder who is going to win, er, best premiums. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to… — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
I do realise that when I laugh, it sounds like a seal is being molested. — Jimmy Carr Copy Share Image
