I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I… — David Spade Copy Share Image
You know the drill. 18 is legal. 17 with consent. 16 with a note. 15 if her dad's in the room. Low five! — David Spade Copy Share Image
It's hard for your mom to tell you she has an oral fixation and has to have something in her mouth. My… — David Spade Copy Share Image
I talk to my dad all the time, he's more like my buddy than my father, and he's not happy that I use him… — David Spade Copy Share Image
“I’d tell her to come over at 10 A.M. and she’d roll in at 10:45 with a Starbucks going “The fucking 405 was nuts… — David Spade Copy Share Image
My fellow nerds and I will retire to the nerdery with our calculators. — David Spade Copy Share Image
Gossip is a plague that consumes weak, gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality; it can devour entire city's. I prefer… — David Spade Copy Share Image
A friend of Nicole Ritchie told the New York Post that Nicole is definitely pregnant. — David Spade Copy Share Image
Whenever you get on the plane, the flight attendant will always tell you the name of your pilot. Like anyone goes, Oh, he's good. — David Spade Copy Share Image
On Sundays, I lay low, sulk a lot, and try to get my head together for next week. — David Spade Copy Share Image
I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those. — David Spade Copy Share Image
When I started I'd fly across the country to do a gig for a hundred bucks. — David Spade Copy Share Image
In grade school I was smart, but I didn't have any friends. In high school, I quit being smart and started having friends. — David Spade Copy Share Image
I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder.… — David Spade Copy Share Image
