“To save the environment—and my childhood memories, I merged a gas station pump with a jukebox. Look, my car now runs on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He told me he had a wife and daughter, and then he showed me a picture of an 8-year-old girl, to which… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry all of my childhood memories in my mind. But maybe that’s not the best place for them. Well, you’ve got… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Because of the age difference, I assumed they were related, mother/daughter. But they weren’t. They were father/son/possible lovers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A woman I had sex with is carrying my child, because God has made it so that my hands are full. They’re… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Losing a child must be the second most painful thing ever. The most painful thing would be to lose the child, find… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I think the best punishment for a misbehaving child is to strap them to a chair and make them listen to Lady… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Queen always seemed to me to be manufactured championship music—designed to be played in stadiums to get fans hyped up about paying… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
