My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing. — Zach Galifianakis Girlfriend Copy Share Image
I love playing a curmudgeon. I just love playing a sour guy. — Zach Galifianakis Character Copy Share Image
This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate. — Zach Galifianakis Christmas Copy Share Image
I was just thinking how unfortunate it'd be to be a fat girl named Candy. — Zach Galifianakis Candy Copy Share Image
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. — Zach Galifianakis Focus Copy Share Image
Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I've always been attracted to sad. If you look at Woody Allen movies, he's often playing a sad clown, and it's always… — Zach Galifianakis Angry Copy Share Image
I just try to keep myself a traditionalist. I liked being an underground comic doing my thing. I want to maintain that.… — Zach Galifianakis Comic Copy Share Image
A good stand-up, you lead the audience. You don't kowtow to the audience. Sometimes the audience is wrong. I always think the… — Zach Galifianakis Audience Copy Share Image
I want to do another reality show. It's based on The Mole. It's about sexually transmitted diseases. It's called "God, I Hope… — Zach Galifianakis Disease Copy Share Image
Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, 'WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!' — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I think comedy does have that powerful thing that doesn't seem too preachy because you're also making people laugh, so it's really… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I like to go to really bad movies, during their sixth week, and there's only one other person in the theatre, and… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
But comedy is like music, it appeals to some people. Some people like Creed, those people are usually pretty stupid. But they… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I watch a happy person doing stand-up, and I go, "What the hell is this? This person's happy!" You need internal conflict.… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I'm proud of The Hangover, but to be in movies like this, which are really the only places I can get work,… — Zach Galifianakis Art Copy Share Image
I think if you come out to California trying to be an actor, it's pretty hard. There's desperation. A lot of people… — Zach Galifianakis Actors Copy Share Image
People get TV deals by doing something in their grandmother's basement. It is definitely the wave. Everybody is trying to do all… — Zach Galifianakis Auditions Copy Share Image
'Baskets' isn't a CBS show. Nothing against that, but this is an off-kilter show on cable that the channel lets you do… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
There's more to life than being an actor in a Hollywood movie. I'm not going to adapt my life after that existence,… — Zach Galifianakis Actors Copy Share Image
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions. — Zach Galifianakis Failure Copy Share Image
I am not into publicity. I'm not good at it. I get anxiety about it. — Zach Galifianakis Anxiety Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Being popular Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I never really did the club stuff; I'm really kind of a wimp that way. I just stay mostly in Los Angeles… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit. — Zach Galifianakis Culture Copy Share Image
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis Guilty Copy Share Image
I don't want to do an edgy show, I didn't want bad language. I think edginess is the new hackiness. — Zach Galifianakis Bad language Copy Share Image
It was in the back of a hamburger joint in Times Square. I did a joke about not wanting to sleep on… — Zach Galifianakis Joke Copy Share Image
If I were 26 and this was happening, it would be all great, and I would probably buy like 17 Dodge Vipers.… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I don't like to have anybody tell me to be in a place at certain times. That's kind of the advantage of… — Zach Galifianakis Advantage Copy Share Image
You know you're an alcoholic when the bartender knows your name... and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis Alcoholic Copy Share Image
I am not really into porn. I have always wanted to go to a table read for a porn though. If I… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
