I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck E. Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I masturbated for 45 minutes... with salad tongs. — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers. — Zach Galifianakis Brother Copy Share Image
I love to do shows in unlikely places, because the audience's expectations are less fixed. — Zach Galifianakis Audience Copy Share Image
I don't want my personal life to change. I don't understand why people strive for fame. I know it's ironic for me… — Zach Galifianakis Fame Copy Share Image
I don't really have a pattern yet. I don't know if I'll develop one. As far as comedic integrity, I don't have… — Zach Galifianakis Comedic Copy Share Image
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I never really did the club stuff; I'm really kind of a wimp that way. I just stay mostly in Los Angeles… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I'm not cynical when it comes to things that are important. I'm cynical about pop culture and all that horseshit. — Zach Galifianakis Culture Copy Share Image
People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way. — Zach Galifianakis Guilty Copy Share Image
Whether you are on the Right or the Left, everyone can agree that there are a lot of outside influences in American… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
We talked about politics constantly in my family growing up in North Carolina. There were always debates. Being of Greek background, it's… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed… — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
I feel that living your life in contradiction keeps one confused and happy... It makes me laugh when people miscommunicate. I like… — Zach Galifianakis Contradiction Copy Share Image
I'm the most mellow person offstage. I think it's just, going onstage lets me get out some frustration that I'm too shy… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I do whatever comes my way. But I get burned out on stage. It's a lonely world. I think part of the… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I like to go to really bad movies, during their sixth week, and there's only one other person in the theatre, and… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When I do stand-up for a long time, I'll get burned out, then I'll get an acting gig. For me, the grass… — Zach Galifianakis Acting Copy Share Image
I was talking to my mom the other day, and she called me a weirdo. It was the first time I'd ever… — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge . — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
My New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'You go, girl' to myself. — Zach Galifianakis Christmas Copy Share Image
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal. — Zach Galifianakis Being famous Copy Share Image
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
When you're doing standup you're kind of doing, "Hey. I thought of this. This may be funny. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
My father used to beat me with his belt...while it was still on him. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
I once walked in on my grandparents making love...And that's why I don't eat raisins. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
Have you seen that show on CBS called 'The Amazing Race'? Is that show about white people? — Zach Galifianakis Funny Copy Share Image
I think comedy is a really, really good tool for trying to say something. — Zach Galifianakis Comedy Copy Share Image
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison. — Zach Galifianakis Being popular Copy Share Image
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
You write things that are of interest to you. There's no focus group. — Zach Galifianakis Focus Copy Share Image
