“Like cubic zirconia, I only look real. I'm an imposter.” — Augusten Burroughs Imposter Copy Share Image
The more obsessed one is with getting thin, the more certain it becomes that one will never get there. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I know exactly how that is. To love somebody who doesn't deserve it. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
This is what you should know about losing someone you love. They do not travel alone. You go with them. — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I saw a monkey walking on a leash and thought it was an ugly foreign child. — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
“I like it when she's shiny, like a star, like a guest on the Donnie and Marie Show .” — Augusten Burroughs Foil Copy Share Image
“He looked and sounded exactly like a real psychiatrist. Until he opened his mouth. "Let's ask God," he said.” — Augusten Burroughs Psychiatrist Copy Share Image
“It wasn't like he was holding me so much as trying to hold onto something.” — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
I was like a packet of powdered Sea Monkeys and they were like water. — Augusten Burroughs Monkeys Copy Share Image
A lot of being a writer doesn't have anything to do with writing. It's ironic - I have to squeeze the books… — Augusten Burroughs Book Copy Share Image
If I were blind I'd rather have another blind person leading me around because they know what I'm dealing with and they're… — Augusten Burroughs Blind Copy Share Image
Long marriages have ended in ruin over tiny and insignificant grievances that were never properly aired and instead grew into a brittle… — Augusten Burroughs Barnacles Copy Share Image
“All children should be loved, protected, nurtured--emotionally and intellectually--respected, and never, under any circumstances, underestimated. Especially, most essentially, by themselves.” — Augusten Burroughs Child Copy Share Image
When I first thought of being a writer I had visions of stacks of books in stores with my name on them,… — Augusten Burroughs Book Copy Share Image
I could write another collection of personal essays from what has happened to me in the last year alone. I don't seek… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“The Schnauzer listens to jazz. I listen to jazz because he likes it, and I have even gone to jazz concerts with… — Augusten Burroughs Children Copy Share Image
“As I sat on the midnight PVTA bus to Amherst, I scanned the male faces, looking for a potential boyfriend. My standards… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
The truth about not having everything you need, not being fully equipped or qualified or allowed is that these limits are the… — Augusten Burroughs Creative Copy Share Image
When you say, "I need more confidence," what you're really saying is, "I need those people over there to approve of me."… — Augusten Burroughs Confidence Copy Share Image
“Meetings are the Hail Marys of alcoholics. You can do or almost do anything, feel anything, commit any number of non-sober atrocities,… — Augusten Burroughs Alcoholics Copy Share Image
“All improvements, transformations, achievements, liberations; everything you want to change about yourself and your life; everything you want to make happen, any… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Resentment is anger looking for payback. It's also a high-interest-earning emotion. Each new resentment is added to the ones from before. Long… — Augusten Burroughs Anger Copy Share Image
“In the middle of the conversation, I open a third ale. I cup my hand over the mouthpiece so they don't hear… — Augusten Burroughs Communication Copy Share Image
The most mortifying fact of my life is something that happened when I was fourteen and I have never admitted to anyone:… — Augusten Burroughs Facts Copy Share Image
“Six hours later, when I returned, I was greeted at the door- and this before it was even opened -by the overpowering… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Do you understand that you are exactly attractive enough and thin enough (even if you weigh four hundred pounds) and smart enough… — Augusten Burroughs Beauty Copy Share Image
“I think…Have I given up anything by living with another person? Has there been a trade-off? Always, there is a trade-off. And… — Augusten Burroughs Freedom Copy Share Image
I told myself, 'All I want is a normal life'. But was that true? I wasn't so sure. Because there was a… — Augusten Burroughs Consequence Copy Share Image
“I believe in the baby Jesus, and I believe he is handsome and lives in the sky with his pet cow. I… — Augusten Burroughs Copy Share Image
“Miracles do happen. You must believe this. No matter what else you believe about life, you must believe in miracles. Because we… — Augusten Burroughs Believe in miracles Copy Share Image
“If you meet somebody and they love you when you are your true, awful, not-ready-yet, boring, not cool enough, not handsome enough,… — Augusten Burroughs Love Copy Share Image
“Then he explains Chinese food in Manhattan to me: 'See the way it works is, there's one central location out on Long… — Augusten Burroughs Chinese food Copy Share Image
“Dorothy viewed my mother's propensity toward madness not as something to be afraid of, but rather as something to look forward to,… — Augusten Burroughs Mother Copy Share Image
