Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A congressman actually apologized to BP's CEO for the way the company has been treated. How stupid are you when the CEO… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
President Obama's re-election campaign said that this year they'll knock on 150 percent more doors than they did in 2008. Well, of… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
America Online customers are upset because the company has decided to allow advertising in its chat rooms. I can see why: you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The IRS says it's been getting death threats since the health care bill passed because the IRS is going to be the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems that researchers at Colorado University say wine may help people lose weight. It's not the wine directly that causes the… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It happened again this week. Hundreds of people had to be evacuated from O'Hare Airport in Chicago. Seems every time somebody went… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Oh, here's your tax dollars at work. This is what makes people furious. The head of the GSA, a woman named Martha… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If Arnold is elected, you know who I'd feel sorry for? The people on death row. Imagine, you're about to be executed,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Congratulations to the Italian people for winning the World Cup. ... They won after France's best player got ejected for head butting.… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Wikipedia was offline after an overheating problem at one of its data centers. It was pretty bad. For a while there, people… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
In his speech President Bush said we need to rebuild Iraq, provide the people with jobs, and give them hope. If it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
The White House says that the unemployment rate is good news because it means more people are looking for jobs. More good… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to today's Los Angeles Times, Gray Davis now gets negative job ratings from white people, black people, Latinos, Republicans, Independents and… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
I don't know why people are surprised the French don't want to help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
If you think of life as like a big pie, you can try to hold the whole pie and kill yourself trying… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
A lot of people are now criticizing Attorney General John Ashcroft for his policy on detaining what he considers suspicious people. I… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $16M for two people… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
(The Weakest Link) is fascinating program. They ask a bunch of people questions and they keep getting rid of the dumbest person,… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
According to The Washington Post, the NSA has been monitoring phone calls and emails of people in Mexico. So apparently it's not… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends… — Jay Leno Copy Share
There is a nationwide shortage of drugs for Attention Deficit Disorder. The FDA says they're not sure how it happened. I guess somebody wasn't… — Jay Leno Copy Share
“Leno said the rainy weather in California "couldn't have come at a worse possible time. Today was the day NBC was supposed to burn… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of Celebrity Apprentice wraps up.… — Jay Leno Copy Share
American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants to invade… — Jay Leno Copy Share
I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Texas Gov. Rick Perry referred to the Mexican city of Juarez as the most dangerous city in America. In his defense, he probably just… — Jay Leno Copy Share
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet… — Jay Leno Copy Share
The Globe reports that North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il raises money by selling fake Viagra pills. What it is about this guy? None of… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Here is your government at work. A congressman from Colorado said he wants to draft a rule that would make it unethical to have… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Jack Abramoff is going to testify against some of the other weasels in Congress. A lobbyist testifying against congressmen? How many Bibles are going… — Jay Leno Copy Share
Tomorrow, America's most famous hockey mom, Sarah Palin, will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Philadelphia Flyers game. Right afterwards, she'll get out… — Jay Leno Copy Share
