Thinking Quotes by Jay Leno

Rick Santorum is so conservative; he thinks KY Jelly is jam made in Kentucky.

— Jay Leno

I think there's one more thing Perry can forget, too: Being president.

— Jay Leno

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time. We agree...and think 25 to life would be appropriate.

— Jay Leno

I think Donald Trump and Jeb Bush are the frontrunners. It's kind of like the race between the tortoise and the bad…

— Jay Leno

Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary.

— Jay Leno

I tried to log on to the Obamacare website today. I don't think I'm doing it right. I lost 300 bucks playing…

— Jay Leno

When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

— Jay Leno

Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

— Jay Leno

Scientists believe that monkeys can be taught to think, lie and even play politics within their community. If we can just teach…

— Jay Leno

The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his…

— Jay Leno

There are now more obese people in the United States than there are overweight people. I think it's safe to say that…

— Jay Leno

It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below…

— Jay Leno

President-elect Barack Obama is starting to get an idea of just how hard his new job is going to be. Today, he…

— Jay Leno

President Bush earned $400,000 for his job as president last year. That's not really that much for being president when you think…

— Jay Leno

According to the latest L.A. Times poll, 75% of Californians believe the country is headed in the wrong direction. And 60% of…

— Jay Leno

The big question now is who will take power in Afghanistan once the Taliban is defeated. I was thinking, how about Al…

— Jay Leno

Services were held today for Ken Lay - convicted thief and crook Ken Lay.They folded his arms across his chest and sowed…

— Jay Leno

John Kerry has promised to take this country back from the wealthy. Who better than the guy worth $700 million to take…

— Jay Leno

In People magazine, Madonna said her life has been exhausting since she started her world tour. She said there isn't a second…

— Jay Leno

As you all know by now, Barack Obama sent out a cell phone text message at 3 a.m. on Saturday morning to…

— Jay Leno

There's all this talk about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, you know where he is now? Visiting Mexico, which I think means that he…

— Jay Leno

There's this huge controversy over the fact that President Bush apparently received credit for National Guard service in Alabama in '72 and…

— Jay Leno

The White House has finally found one guy that kinda remembers serving with President Bush in the National Guard. Now they just…

— Jay Leno

Seems there's a big debate going on about whether a new TV commercial for Minute Maid orange juice portrays Popeye and Bluto…

— Jay Leno

One critic in the L.A. Times said John Kerry looks like he is thinking too much. Well this is one place President…

— Jay Leno

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

— Jay Leno

According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.

— Jay Leno

Racecar driving is a lot like sex; all men think they're good at it.

— Jay Leno

The difference between Men and Women is that Men love The 3 Stooges, and Women think they're assholes.

— Jay Leno

In Huntington Beach, California, three police instructors lost their jobs after ordering two cadets who were caught smoking to eat cigarette sandwiches…

— Jay Leno

Here's some exciting news - according to The New York Post, both Al Gore and John Kerry are thinking of running for…

— Jay Leno

We had President Obama on the show last night. I think the president enjoys visiting NBC because we're the only place that…

— Jay Leno

I'm glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it's safe to talk on the…

— Jay Leno

President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the…

— Jay Leno

There's a new Osama bin Laden video. He's the only person that is looking thin during the holidays. How does he do…

— Jay Leno

Tonight the Republican presidential candidates had a big debate, 10 candidates. The last time that many rich white guys got together, I…

— Jay Leno

Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president in 2008. You know why I think she's running? I…

— Jay Leno

Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought…

— Jay Leno

Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had…

— Jay Leno

Former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling appeared before Congress. Do you think they even bothered swearing him in? Now he is denying he…

— Jay Leno