Israel Quotes by Jay Leno

The leaders of the Taliban said today that killing bin Laden won't solve the problem. But, you know, it couldn't hurt.

— Jay Leno

How many have seen that Osama bin Laden footage? Pretty scary. In fact, today, NBC ordered 13 more episodes.

— Jay Leno

The Bush administration has apparently approved a plan to oust Saddam Hussein. I think that's President Bush's Father's Day gift to his…

— Jay Leno

It's just a matter of time before we go into Iraq and get Saddam Hussein. I think just before Bush falls below…

— Jay Leno

More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in…

— Jay Leno

All of Iraq's oil fields are under U.S. control which is ironic considering all the gas stations here are run by Middle…

— Jay Leno

U.N. weapons inspectors found empty chemical warheads in Iraq. So, the question everyone is asking now is how did Sean Penn miss…

— Jay Leno

Apparently, Osama bin Laden was killed with money and phone numbers sewn into his clothing. So we got him right before he…

— Jay Leno

President Bush admitted that the United States went to war in Iraq based on bad intelligence. But he says knowing what we…

— Jay Leno

More and more details coming out now about spoiled rich kid Osama bin Laden. Time reports this week he was one of…

— Jay Leno

In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with…

— Jay Leno

Supporters of Osama bin Laden want to rename the Arabian Sea after bin Laden's death. They want to call it "Martyr's Sea."…

— Jay Leno

Did you see those Iraqis making that pilgrimage slashing their foreheads with knives and whipping their backs with chains. See, when Saddam…

— Jay Leno

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan,…

— Jay Leno

American forces in Iraq found $650 million in American cash sealed in a hidden cottage. See, this is why President Bush wants…

— Jay Leno

President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy,…

— Jay Leno

A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to…

— Jay Leno

Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had…

— Jay Leno

Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you’re Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really…

— Jay Leno

There is now a $5 million dollar bounty on Osama bin Laden. Which marks the first time in history there has ever…

— Jay Leno

Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we…

— Jay Leno

This Osama bin Laden guy, spoiled rich kid worth $300M. I have three words for this guy: Anna Nicole Smith. We send…

— Jay Leno

CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded.

— Jay Leno

The Mirror interviewed one of Osama bin Laden's sons and said bin Laden has 42 children. That's going to happen when you…

— Jay Leno

Today the United States has admitted that after months and months of searching, we still have no idea where Osama bin Laden…

— Jay Leno

Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein.

— Jay Leno

Osama bin Laden has hired 10 look-alikes. Now, how hard up do you have to be before you take that job? There's…

— Jay Leno

The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.

— Jay Leno

As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's…

— Jay Leno

The New York Police Department says Iran has conducted surveillance inside New York City. They say Iranian operatives are using special mobile…

— Jay Leno

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said this week there's a good chance we never get bin Laden. bin Laden! We couldn't even get…

— Jay Leno

Attorney General John Ashcroft said there is a new credible terrorist threat. He said everything is under control; not to panic. And…

— Jay Leno

The big rumor going around is, we may begin bombing Iraq. Or, as the White House calls it, Operation Keep Enron Off…

— Jay Leno

French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too soon. The French are acting as advisers to the Taliban,…

— Jay Leno

President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.

— Jay Leno

Experts are saying that President Bush's goal now is to politically humiliate Saddam Hussein. Why don't we just make him the next…

— Jay Leno

Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.

— Jay Leno

The Democrats say that President Bush doesn't have an exit strategy for Iraq. Of course he does. If things don't go well,…

— Jay Leno

The Iraqis sat down for talks on how to put together a post-war government. They would have sat down yesterday, but somebody…

— Jay Leno

For the first time the people of Iraq are united. Today on CNN I saw a Kurd, a Shiite and a member…

— Jay Leno