Joke Quotes · Page 36

I fell off a 100ft ladder today... Luckily I was at the bottom step.

— Anonymous

The sassy black woman who can land a good joke was sort of my go-to audition. Or playing a struggling mother.

— Danielle Brooks

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,'

— Carol Leifer

“you've got to face facts and the fact is life is a joke, a fucking bad joke, or, no, a bad fucking…

— Jeet Thayil

I think Trump is terrible for comedy. A lot of people say he is great. He's not. You can't joke a joke.

— Michelle Wolf

Make up looks pretty on the outside but it doesnt help if you are ugly on the inside. Unless you can eat…

— Anonymous

I love doing six versions of any joke, so if they'll give me six takes, I'd love to do it.

— Ryan Reynolds

Divorce is no joke and is painful for whatever reason it breaks down.

— Sonja Morgan

Being a parent is not for the faint of heart. I may joke about knowing fear, but the fact is, the first…

— Harlan Coben

Tears come out of my eyes as soon as you said its over. There was a smile on my face because I…

— Anonymous

Micro humor is a joke that's contained in the writing: it's a punch line, it's a turn of phrase, it's something that…

— Susanna Fogel

I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about…

— Lisa Lampanelli

I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but he can…

— Steve Finley

I'm one of those people that laughs at a joke 3 TIMES: >>ONCE when it's told to me >>ONCE when it's explained…

— Tamika-leeigh

“No time for jokes," Nakamura said. "Is Neil there?" "Let's just say I'm Sleeping Beauty's personal assistant right now." "I guess that…

— Kevin Sylvester

I don't even consider directing Burt. I just say, 'Hey, Burt, the camera's here. Read the joke and let's get onto the…

— Hal Needham

I remember the first joke that I made, which went over terribly. I was at my cousin's birthday party in Brooklyn. I…

— Zach Woods

There's different kinds of improv. There's Second City improv where you try to slowly build a nice sketch. There's stuff you do…

— Fred Willard

“The sad rocking chair in the corner was actually a joke of a chair: if one started laughing at it, one could…

— Knut Hamsun

You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the…

— Ilona Andrews

I tend to think some things are off-limits. Not in the sense that you should not be able to say them, but…

— Stuart Hall

“Tell me we’re not going to be stoking up the cook fires to build palisades through the night by their light.’ I…

— M.C. Scott

Laughter is binary: It either happens or it doesn't. As each joke arrives in the course of a film, the cavernous space…

— David Dobkin

George Lowe was the one who opened the mail, and George started laughing uproariously and I looked up at him in astonishment…

— Edmund Hillary

Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? nevermind, you'll never get it...

— Anonymous

The casting directors that were aware of The Real World looked at me as a joke. It was so hard to get…

— Jamie Chung

That awkward moment, when your the only one still laughing at the joke from 10 minutes ago.

— Anonymous

I think, in the media, Christians are the butt of every joke, or they are portrayed running around condemning everyone to Hell.

— Sarah Drew

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

— Jonathan Tropper

Whether it's a highbrow thing or lowbrow. I'm never, ever going to leave a joke on the floor.

— Robby Hoffman

There are things that are so serious that you can only joke about them.

— Werner Heisenberg

If you treat me like a joke, then I'll leave you like it's funny.

— Anonymous

Wanna hear a joke bout my vagina, never mind, you'll never get it !!!!

— Anonymous

It was that famous joke: What's the last thing the drummer said before he got kicked out of the band? 'Hey, I…

— Dave Grohl

I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.

— Bill Burr

If I write a joke and it works, and it works consistently, that is gold to me.

— Sarah Millican

I'm not the type of person who thinks up a joke and has to tell everyone.

— Samuel Larsen

You can never guess what a kid's going to find funny - besides, you know, an obvious fart joke here and there.

— Genndy Tartakovsky

The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But it's a joke, a blot on American history.

— Frank Waters

I always make a joke that they transplanted Martina McBride's eyes and put them in my head.

— Blake Shelton