Joke Quotes · Page 35

Its not nice to make a joke about someone, just because you wanna laugh with your friends.

— Anonymous

I like there to be a joke in practically every photo I take. Nobody has the right to make photography boring.

— Norman Parkinson

When you've heard every short people joke possible, but people tell you them anyways.

— Anonymous

I as an individual can always take a joke on me, big time, there's no doubt on that.

— Kiku Sharda

It's a very young mistake to assume that life is very serious. I get the joke now.

— Claire Danes

Any private security is a joke in a country where you're up against your own government.

— Bidzina Ivanishvili

Once you do a joke and it works it's only good for so long, like shooting fish in a barrel.

— Bill Burr

“Death would be an extremely bad thing like most of us paint it, if being dead were painful.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I have "come back" [to music scene] so many times, people are just like, Is this another one?... It's kind of like…

— Britney Spears

We are constantly being showered by little blood clots, but if you have PFO and a little blood clot gets to your…

— Terry Dubrow

“Dude, estoy aqui por loco, no por pendejo," which was the punch line to the funniest Spanish joke I knew. Okay, the…

— Cory Doctorow

Historically, Heathrow has been something of a joke, outweighed by its excellent connections. We have to aspire to having an airport at…

— Philip Hammond

I was never a joke teller. I don't even like jokes, for the most part. I don't like to hear them, and…

— Ed O'Neill

I don't like it when I see a racist comedian go up and say, 'What are we gonna do about all these…

— Ricky Gervais

I definitely have friends who gave me a tag for a joke I already had. Like, 'Here's another line.' A tag is,…

— Chris Cubas

The brain process that results in a joke materializing where no joke was before remains a mystery. I'm not aware of any…

— Dick Cavett

I like ones that pertain to the music they make. Talking Heads does that somehow. More often than not band names are…

— Samuel Ervin Beam

“As I see it, the only pleasure of living is that every joke should be made, every thought expressed, every line of…

— Malcolm Muggeridge

Great use they have, when in the hands Of one like me, who understands, Who understands the time and place, The person,…

— Charles Churchill

After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that…

— Aziz Ansari

I think all actors, when they're not working, say, 'If I can get to this point where I'm working on a consistent…

— Mike Colter

“A good joke, that!" returned Don Quixote. "Books that have been printed with the king's licence, and with the approbation of those…

— Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour…

— Terry Pratchett

There's a bar on top of a really, really high building and it's very windy outside, so it is swaying back and…

— SUPERMAN

Whenever I passed by a Chinese restaurant in a car, I'd joke to my friends, 'Oh yeah, my uncle owns that place.'

— Jenny Zhang

I'm not good with jokes, no. I don't know a joke at all. I like being told jokes, but I can't tell…

— James DeGale

A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.

— Georg C. Lichtenberg

I joke that every time I'm in the playoffs, it feels like I'm in the Super Bowl.

— Chris Long

If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?

— Henny Youngman

If this is some kind of practical joke, it's not funny, and I know funny. I'm a clownfish. -Marlin

— Finding Nemo

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

— Max Eastman

I've been joking that 'On the Road' is the prequel to 'The Road.' I don't know if that's a very good joke.

— Kodi Smit-McPhee

“Stag examined her body. “Eyes up here, gorgeous,” she murmured. “You don’t need to verify that. It was a bad joke.”

— Laurann Dohner

Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke.

— Janet Jackson

Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to…

— Mark Twain

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

— Jimmy Carr

The idea that any performer type is owed anything is a joke to me.

— Henry Rollins

If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign.

— James A. Owen

“I am a kind of joke, but the question is: which kind? My job is to keep everyone guessing.”

— Gary Shteyngart

Some comedy has turned into, 'Donald Trump's bad, isn't he?' That's a true statement. But where is your joke?

— Michelle Wolf