Joke Quotes · Page 34

I can never tell a joke, I've always found it easier to just fall over.

— Norman Wisdom

All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.

— Ron White

I just play the game. If that means I need to joke around, or whatever I need to do, that's what I'll…

— Nikola Jokic

Comedy is what happens when you cross the dateline from the unbearable. Things become so unbearable they become a joke.

— Robyn Hitchcock

I could always take a joke. I could always be the butt of the joke. I could always hand it out. That…

— Ricky Gervais

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

— Don Rickles

I'm not making comedy albums. That's too much effort for one joke.

— Matt Berry

When I'm on the court, I don't smile, I don't joke, I'm not friends with anybody.

— Serge Ibaka

“What was this past summer to you?” Cinderella said, stalking back and forth like an angry mountain cat. “A joke? A way…

— K.M. Shea

You've noticed that same joke told by two different people, once works, and the other time doesn't, simply because how the person…

— Abbas Kiarostami

I believe it is tough to be funny and tougher to make people laugh. And it needs to be been done effortlessly.…

— Vivek Oberoi

Loretta Lynn, Tammy Wynette, Dolly Parton and I were the first female headliners, where we would book our own opening acts. Before…

— Barbara Mandrell

Sometimes my brother and I - we're twins, and sometimes we joke that we're like a two-headed monster. We can be hard…

— Aaron Dessner

“The sun is a joke. Oranges can’t titillate their jaded palates. Nothing can ever be violent enough to make taut their slack…

— Nathanael West

I'd been writing sketches since high school, but 'Friends of the People' really taught me about structure - how to wait out…

— Jermaine Fowler

Thank you people that are laughing with your hand away from your mouth. That joke is clearly not for everyone, but I…

— Daniel Tosh

One question about a joke is, how well is the strangeness of the situation resolved? At 'The New Yorker', we retain a…

— Robert Mankoff

When I had dial-up, my mom got me a phone so I wouldn't tie up the phone. She used to really pick…

— Karen Civil

“That was the big joke, wasn't it? The answer to the riddle: There was no one up there in Heaven, making sure…

— Wally Lamb

Candice is the original spelling of my name. I changed it to Kandyse when I was really young and first starting out…

— Kandyse McClure

I wrote a show - just as a joke, actually - and called it 'Bipolar, Bath, & Beyond,' just to bring some…

— Jenifer Lewis

We joke that dad's profession was the perfect profession for Jim, because after two years, he'd be like: 'It's time to move,…

— Jim Harbaugh

As Asian-Americans, the charge that is often lobbed against us is sort of the least original: the idea that somehow we're perpetual…

— David Henry Hwang

I always have the same thing - which is the fear of not getting a laugh - that I've had from the…

— Matthew Perry

“The art world is the biggest joke going. It’s a rest home for the overprivileged, the pretentious, and the weak.”

— Banksy

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

— Georg Brandes

When your time is good, your mistakes r taken as a joke. But When your time is bad, even your jokes r…

— Anonymous

“You need to be greedy or ignorant to truly want to live forever.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

I also had a hosting position on a home and garden television show - which is a joke if you ever see…

— Hannah Simone

Everybody wants me to finally close the curtain on the joke that is the Audley Harrison show.

— David Haye

Never take life as a joke take your life as a gift hand down from the maker of all things,peoples and places…

— Frenchqueen

Those Penis enlargement pills you have been taking must be working. You are a bigger Dick today than you were last week.

— Anonymous

“One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Did you just make a joke, Tris? We should have you on painkillers more often if your going to start cracking jokes.”

— Veronica Roth

“Joke in book: "You know the difference between a brownnoser and a shithead, right? Depth perception.”

— Elisabeth Naughton

You need to tune into a different way of being funny for kids. They're learning the rhythm of a joke.

— Graham Linehan

“CUT! ... Cut... ... FUCKING CUT IT! … Where is the fucking screenplay?”

— Deyth Banger

I'm a taker in terms of jokes. I love to hear a good joke, but I don't retain jokes. I'm not a…

— Steve Carell

Im not the voice of reason; Im more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.

— Anthony Jeselnik

I'm not even really a joke-teller. I can do ad-lib and banter, but I don't do jokes.

— Bruce Forsyth