A good friend is the one who will bail you out of jail, your best friend is the one sitting next to… — Brendan White Copy Share Image
Don't you hate it when you get on a elevator and someone smells like they took a bath in perfume or cologne. — JREYES Copy Share Image
You can tell a lot about a person by holding a gun at their head and asking them questions. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girlfriend: Baby, I'm Pregnant. What Do You Want It To Be? . . . . . . Boyfriend: A Joke. — Shadawcatt Copy Share Image
Thanks to Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you Guys. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Honesty is the best policy. Unless, of course, you're posting a Facebook Profile picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sorry you're upset that three brutal murders by one of your players may impact your team's playoff chances. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Saw a Chinese kid and a black kid wave to each other today. It gave me hope...for another Rush Hour movie... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May you live to be as old as the number of Instagram pictures you took of your birthday cake. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know some b*tch just broke up with her boyfriend when shes starts putting a million quotes on Facebook. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce you: deleted and blocked. You may now kiss my ass b*tch. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm not saying she's a slut, but I tried to put her name as my password and it said 'Error: too easy.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not a Facebook status you don't have to like me, but just cuz you don't,doesn't mean other people wont. Just know… — Rosie Krein Copy Share Image
Is wondering who was the first to look at a cow and think: I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when you're dancing in the middle of the road and you didn't realize there was a car behind you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day I got another one for the other… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't need to wake up in the morning feeling like P.Diddy when I could just wake up in the morning feeling… — Sarahi Gonzalez Copy Share Image
Sometimes I just wish I could disappear for a while to a place where nothing can go wrong in life. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think that the only reason why people hold on to memories so tight for so long is because memories are the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Warner Bros: Now that I'm an adult, I feel I'm am old enough to hear what the "Beep Beep" is hiding… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today I saw something that reminded me of you. But don't worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teacher: name 1 common cause of hrt attacks esp wit Guys.. Student: hugging Gals wit small boobs — Sniper Alpacino Malachi-McAsh Copy Share Image
I bet the NSA stopped monitoring your phone records after seeing they were all drunk dials to exes at 4 a.m. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Things shall fall into its perfect place, in the perfect time, at a perfect setting that you will always be able to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Love is a perky lil elf dancing a merry lil jig and then,suddenly, he turns on you with a miniature machine gun. — Matt Groening Copy Share Image
Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Days and nights have passed away yet the thought of you still occupy the whole of my heart . I never forget… — Winford Copy Share Image
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big dick or… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Myspace is my ex husband, Facebook is my baby daddy, Twitter is my ho and I'm in a serious relationship with Instagram. — Ambri Bright Copy Share Image
If I had said everything I was thinking out loud,I would definitely have lost my job a LONG time ago. — Abhishek Tiwari Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What if the idea of everything being legal for a night was for real.. I would park in a no park zone… — SouL Copy Share Image
Birth control pills should probably be made for men. Doesn't it make more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Im not saying I hate ya but if u happen to get hit by a bus, I wouldn't say I might not… — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
When I was younger I thought the only thing people believed in was god. Now I see hippies bowing for Hippies. O.o — Corey Bird Copy Share Image
When you try to be different, you are being like everyone else. Being yourself is what makes you different. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If climbing the highest mountain on earth is the only way for him to be mine.. then I'd rather go shopping! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
In time you'll look back and realize some relationships weren't meant to be. Once you accept your new life, and freedom things… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Liking the person's last comment on a post instead of replying to it..because,let's face it,your too dwamn lazy to think of something… — Nicole Hill Copy Share Image
The best thing that can happen to a couple married for fifty years or more is that they both grow nearsighted together. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
