When I said that I cleaned my room, I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Condoms are just like parents...they are there to protect you, but usually it's more fun when they're not around. — Carlos De'shawn Banks Copy Share Image
Obama's Plan = 'Bitches get stitches.' Romney's Plan = 'Bitches get stitches assuming that bitch can afford healthcare.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There's a fine line between doing a fist pump and looking like you're jacking off an invisible giant. — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
Sometimes I walk through the baby aisle at the grocery store as a reminder to always use a condom. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥ — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Let's all pretend we're shocked that a professional football player committed sociopathic violence. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when it's quiet in class and ur stomach decides to sound like a dying whale — Koaml Copy Share Image
Me: its so hot in here friend: should I leave? ;D me: no your actually the air conditioner — Francis Copy Share Image
Sex is like math: first you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't muliply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If A Couple In Love Are Called Love Birds, Then A Couple Who Have Fought With Each Other Should Be Called Angry… — Anurag Prakash Ray Copy Share Image
The problem is, obesity runs in our family. No, the problem is no-one runs in your family... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone isn't texting you back and then you see them update their status from Mobile.. — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone skinnier than you says I'm so fat. and you stand there like. -__- — Itsme867 Copy Share Image
Ladies, men will listen to all your problems if you learned how to say thank you with a blowjob. — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Somtimes when I'm texting someone & dont feel like repeating myself I just FWD the message & makesure I delete the date,… — Syoung Copy Share Image
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when your friends and family are singing happy birthday and you are just standing there smiling … — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ramps have been employed to look in the bins along the marathon route in London for suspicious packages. They will be paid… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why am I the weird one for browsing through your pictures? You're the one who uploaded over a thousand pictures of yourself. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Everything I like is either Illegal, Immoral, Fattening, Addictive, Expensive, or Impossible. — Asheya Copy Share Image
I just saw a fat girl crying while girls pointed & laughed at her. I thought ,She must be finding it hard… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Pick-Up Line: That blouse looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when a shower only has 2 options. 3rd degree burns or skinny dipping in Antarctica. — Xuan Ta Copy Share Image
Dear MTV, I'm gonna start my own TV network called RealityTV; RTV and play nothing but music videos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Bitches be trying act like they single & happy...u single cause ya last name is LEE...UGG-LEE & LONG-LEE — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
I have learned there is little difference in husbands; you might as well keep the first. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That annoying moment when you just want to listen to music but someone wants to constantly speak to you, making you pause… — Emanuel Sebastiao Copy Share Image
I hate when people think my tweets be about them like bitch , aint nobody thinking about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I saw a man fall off his bike this morning. he looked around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when someone spells your name wrong on Facebook even though your name is RIGHT THERE! — Ryah Copy Share Image
I'm sick of Heather Mills. Now that she's divorced, let her go marry the drummer from Def Leppard. They can rub their… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Oh, youre popular on facebook? Thats cool. I mean, these days its easy to have 1,500 friends that youve never met before. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
They always say so many people die of Alcohol. Perhaps they never realized many of them were born beacuse of Alcohol!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I die I want to be be reincarnated as a Lizard. Just so I can finally hear a women say Oh… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark they… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
