Your FB profile says 'Single and ready to mingle!' ??? Sorry dude, you're just a 'Loner with a Boner.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I dont understand how Super Mario can smash blocks with his head but dies when he touches a turtle — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Sometimes I get my wife and my GPS mixed up...they both tell me what to do every 30 feet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate weddings. Old people would poke me saying You're next. They stopped when I started going up to them at funerals… — Hemantsmarty Copy Share Image
Men were born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. There's no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
To make it stand, you wet it. To make it wet, you suck it. To make it stiff, you lick it. To… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For Every0ne Here... Please Don't Lie So much...Untill Unless your Girlfriend is Rihanna N Boyfriend is Eminem, they're not gonna love the… — Raghav Singh Copy Share Image
Actual warning printed on the bottom of a package of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert : Do not turn upside down. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Me: why am I still single ? brain: you're weird as shit. body: and you're fat. face: plus you're pretty ugly. food:… — Daniel Vargas Copy Share Image
You might not be her first...but you can always be her last steal her heart and make her feel loved for a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Staying up late every night... Regretting it every morning... then doing it all over again!! Just me..? — Tanya Bianco Copy Share Image
The thing I admire most in my girlfriend is her brains and the way that each of them has an attractive nipple… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Um , Never Understood Why Guys Take Pictures Of Their Lips.. Lol Uh Guess Im Missing The Point. — Syoung Copy Share Image
Wife: Why Arent You Taking Me With You To Bangkok? Husband: Because Nobody Carries A Tiffin To A Restaurant. If U Didn't… — Shadawcatt Copy Share Image
Value of relation is not that how much you feel happy with some one. but it is that how much some one… — Nkemjika Copy Share Image
My girl came down from taking a bath, gave me a wink and said, I shaved and you know what that means?… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No officer, I didn't see you in my rear view...my eyes haven't left my phone for at least the past 5 miles... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis...She asked what was I doing. Apparently, 'heating up your dinner' wasn't a sexy answer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I get bored I put Facebook into a translator, just to see if everyone's statuses still sound dumb as **** in… — Nathan Schwake Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when you… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I love rumors they always tell me something new about my self and my life.. that I neverr knew! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, theres nothing right; and on the right side,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A bill collector called me and I told them I had $17,208,857.23 in Mafia Wars but I'm having a problem transferring the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Men apply the same theory to looking for… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's only happy hour if a hot girl is sharing your drinks. Otherwise it's just drowning your misery. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been banging my head against this wall for hours trying to figure out where all this blood is coming from! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate that feeling when everyone around me is in a relationship and I'm awkwardly sitting there like...I love my dog. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If being a douche was an Olympic sport, I know some people that would have a gold medal! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No matter how old I get, I'm still gonna mentally sing the ABC's to see which letter comes next. — Carlos Banks Copy Share Image
Reasons you should date me: 1) I'm awesome. 2) I have a good heart. 3) I'm requesting. 4) I'm begging. 5) Please. — Shushi Copy Share Image
With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Drink 5 cups of milk and try to push the wall … And then drink 5 cups of alcohol and watch …… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the SHARE BROKER says, It will rise right up, fluctuate for a while and then slowly… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Inspirational tweet of the day: If you ever feel like you're about to do something you're going to regret later, do it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
*During sex, I suddenly stopped and didn't move* Her: What are you doing? Me: Hush bitch, I seen this on Pornhub, its… — Kem Copy Share Image
