Just let me know if there's anything I can do this month to further the cause of healthy breasts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
1.Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications. — Becca Copy Share Image
Dear inventors of Tampons, How awkward was it for you to explain your invention to everyone? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Nothing breaks my heart like not getting comments on my funny status...women are even better than that. — Thabang Tshabalala Copy Share Image
As bored as someone sitting in a weird pub watching the landlord's cat licking its knob. — Sparki Dee Copy Share Image
Sometimes you follow the rules, sometimes you break the rules, and sometimes, if you're lucky…you MAKE the rules!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I called my dad to tell him I was gonna quit drinking and he told me don't be a quitter!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Police have special ability from an ice. Whenever police say 'FREEZE!!' all people that they want will frozen — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
At least my job description doesn't involve repairing the economy or being the new head football coach at Penn State. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A word used to label the sexual excitement of the young, the habituation of the middle aged, and the mutual dependence… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
She ask me would I ever hit her...yea ill hit cha wit dis LOOOOOOOOOOOONGàDIIIIIIIIIIIICKàªlol¬8==========D — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
My mom thinks WTF means wow that's fantastic...Today I texted her: Mom I got an A on my English test...my Mom said:… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook must be the site for millionaires, because two cents seem to fall from everywhere. — Adar Burks Copy Share Image
Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you have a bunch of cash in your wallet, you'll buy anything. But the last 10$ can last an entire week.. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nicki Minaj being a judge on American Idol is like Taylor Swift giving relationship advice. — Miley McCormick Copy Share Image
My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch E.T, why the fuck does he wanna watch his ex girlfriend find her way home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There will always be people out there that will bitch behind your back & judge you and your life. For some people… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Facebook mobile, Please update your app and fix all the glitches. Your app has more issues than my last relationship. Sincerely,… — Brian Zilinek Copy Share Image
CELL PHONE VOLUME UP LAYING RIGHT BY YOUR PHONE STILL CHECKING TO SEE IF SOMEBODY TEXT OR CALLED... — Renneec Copy Share Image
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If ants were the size of humans, they would be able to run twice as fast as a Lamborghini. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best friends = They know how weird you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.. — Sachithra Copy Share Image
How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife and I are trying to have a child. But it's so hard to take one out of Chuck E Cheese… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you have a son, you only have to worry about one penis. If you have a daughter, you have to worry… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Our life is like dancing training, at start we dont always know what we are doing but we keep moving till we… — Shubham Pal Copy Share Image
When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I see a Caution: slippery when wet sign I hide it somewhere, then I sit down & enjoy the show. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give up drunk texting for Lent. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My friend said he didn't have time for Twitter like me, he has a job I replied shut the fuck up &… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
