Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 51

If you can't afford porn, just turn on women's tennis and shut your eyes...

— Anonymous

Woman who pounce on dead rooster, go down on limp cock.

— Nikhil Saluja

Bitch I'm Not Impressed , you must have got the Wrong Impression

— Syoung

I hate it when I do something like a ninja and there is nobody around to see!

— Nikhil Saluja

My favorite text message, I will be there in five minutes, if not read again.

— Anonymous

What the fuck do you want from me? is the new hello.

— Nikhil Saluja

Growing up is amazing, until you get old! !!

— Anonymous

He's waiting for me to reply, I'm waiting on my food to arrive.

— Anonymous

Life is like Facebook. People will like your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs

— Anonymous

RELATIONSHIP like Bonnie and Clyde ; SEX like Jody and Yvette ; ARGUE like Ike and Tina ; and MAKE UP like Martin and Gina.

— Anonymous

Bitches be twerking for NO REASON, *microwave goes off* oh shit , my food done. *starts twerking* HOE SIT YO ASS DOWN & EAT !

— Armin Ferizovic

Cop pulls man over for suspicion of drunk driving. Cop: Sir have you been drinking? Man: No. Cop: Papers. Man: Scissors, I…

— Anonymous

If Big Sean's voice was Siri's Voice on the iPhone 5...'Turn left boiiii...Wait, HOLD UP! Whoa Dereee! Wrong way! Swerveeeee.'

— Anonymous

If all woman in the world died today, human race would no longer possess the secret of how to properly wrap a…

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.

— Anonymous

I wish people were like money, so you could hold them up to the light to see who's real and who's fake...

— Tanya Bianco

I want someone to look at me, the way that I look at Chocolate Cake.

— Danish

Gay people are such great dressers because they've spent a lot of time in the closet.

— Itsme867

Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, what the hell happened to you?

— Anonymous

When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Me:Im finally happy:)..Life:Oh damn, That can't happen. Let me throw something bad in.

— Anonymous

Presenting FACEBOOK: The place where bitches become FB gangsters.

— Anonymous

If I had something to hide I would carry a safe

— Kenzie-ann

Nascar would be so much more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.

— Anonymous

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

— Nikhil Saluja

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

— Anonymous

I just reported spam someone for having a bad haircut.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hello bitch,i am rich can I rent ya pussy for 1 week?

— Sniper

I just spotted some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces.

— Patience

When two dudes fight is it called bro-ke up?

— Nikhil Saluja

My laptop is making weird noises I think its masturbating

— Amit Verma

When youre good, youre good, when youre awesome youre me

— Hussein Nishah

LOVE, Is like measles -- much worse when it comes late in life;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a NERD. I just don't want to work at MCDONALD'S when I'm older.

— Itsme867

Better to be thought stupid than to speak and remove all doubt.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook lets you know what everyones bathroom looks like.

— Itsme867

There's no 'we' in beer get the fuck away from me

— Nikhil Saluja

Marriage paralyzes men from the neck up and women from the waist down.

— Nikhil Saluja

Your Starbucks order is directly proportional to how complicated your personality is.

— Kevin

Okay mom...you know I love you...but I can't accept your friend request on Facebook.

— Anonymous