Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 42

I hate people that use their Facebook relationship status for attention.

— Megan O'Kane

Hello? Hello, uh ... do you sell ladders? Sorry, you have the rung number.

— Nikhil Saluja

A man is a king, a king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches, still think ur a man?

— Anonymous

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

— Nikhil Saluja

Eunuch: What you do when the doorbell is out of order

— Nikhil Saluja

B*tches be like Happy One Day Anninversary baby I LOVE YOU -_-

— Pretty Ladii

English teachers tend to put more thought in the books than the author did

— Anonymous

Imagine that self control you must have to work in a bubble rap factory!

— Anonymous

I love how in scary movies how the person yells out hello as if the killer is gonna say yeah Im in…

— Lars Propst

Why the Fuck is TeamLesbian Or TeamBi almost In every Girls Bio on Twitter?.. Where the Fuck is TeamILIkeLonnngggggDick ??

— Jerett Parker

I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 15 minutes yet they choose to call me every half an…

— Anonymous

HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life;

— Nikhil Saluja

The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates.

— Anonymous

The best feeling: When you wake up at 5am and realize you still have more hours to sleep.

— Punkinhead Abhishek

Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You.

— Anonymous

Rick Ross Screaming these niggas can't hold me back .. Forgetting the Fact his ass weighs about 998729069529032 pounds

— Jerett Parker

I swear to god the ants that come on my skin are for a suicide mission

— Faris

Stress here, stress there, stress everywhere.

— Joantonette Morano

I dont mind ketchup on my hot dog, as long as the bun is tight.

— Jon Lajoie

Going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a prossitute for a hug

— Zane Raymond

Mean people suck, come over here and show me how mean you can be.

— Anonymous

Facebook helps me to connect with 99 enemies and 1 pal……

— Pratik Sharma

You'll have to speak up... I'm wearing a towel.

— Anonymous

Everyone makes mistakes, just like your parents did! ;o

— Zendy

Drunk Twitter because embarrassing myself in one zip code was never enough.

— Nikhil Saluja

Being such a good cook that even the fire alarm cheers you on.

— Anonymous

I always start my diet on the same day. Tommorow!

— Nikhil Saluja

Love Love, to be real, must cost, it must hurt, it must empty us of self.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've given up trying to escape from reality..they always find me anyway!..

— Anonymous

Some people should have two Facebook accounts. One for each face.

— Cuts And Scars

My relationship is like an iPad; I don't have an iPad.

— Anonymous

When I was younger, I would put my face close to a fan & talk to hear my robot voice...

— Anonymous

This bitch always make me confuse the fuck me eyes with the fuck you eyes...

— Nikhil Saluja

To, The Bank Manager …PLZ GIVE ME LOAN AND LEAVE ME ALONE.

— Muskaan

If school has taught us anything, its texting without looking!

— Anonymous

Like a good neighbor STATE FARM is there, - WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT NIGGA ?

— Jacob Hadley

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

— Anonymous

New Style Of Proposing. Wanna be My Facebook Password..? (^_^)

— Anonymous

I'm ashamed of what I've done for a Klondike bar…

— Jacqueline Roach

My middle finger gets a boner whenever I think of you.

— Ted