If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them. — Hero Copy Share Image
Awkward moment when someone says HEY!!! Remember me? Your response Nope -Just Saying — Ephrem Hardin Copy Share Image
Friends are like condoms. They are always there to protect you when things get hard. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia. — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
A suicide note written by somebody who is not suicidal is an autobiography. — Dane Cook Copy Share Image
Dear Santa, ( ) I've been good all year. ( ) Ok most of the time. ( ) Once in a while.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That uncomfortable moment when you're in the car and you look at the people in the car next to you. Then you… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
One day you are gonna retweet & star me like I retweet & star you, and just like you, I won't care. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why did the blonde send a blank letter to her husband in the army? They had a fight before he left and… — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know you're addicted to Call of Duty when you go to work, take your boss's suitcase, make beeping sounds, and then… — Alec Straub Copy Share Image
I have an eating disorder. I be eatin DIS order of fries, and DIS order of nuggets, and DIS order of wings… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes, all you need is a loaded Gun and some of your favorite assholes to shoot at. — Rajdeep Sarkar Copy Share Image
Disney Channel should stop making new shows and replay all the old ones. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure that if Walt Disney watched 'Disney Channel' today, he would cry — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hopefully one day your life will be as cool as you make it appear on Facebook. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If days of the week were sex acts, Monday would be a dry, passionless, handjob... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you want to find a prince, you're supposed to kiss a frog. Not f*ck the whole pond. — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate people that starts a Facebook post with I hate people datàªlol¬ — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
They say sweat is fat crying, Boy please you cry more that you sweat during workouts — CJ Copy Share Image
Google+ is the gym of social networking: We all join, but nobody actually uses it. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I die I want someone to continue uploading my quotes, just to freak people out :) — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
