Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 40

God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?

— Nikhil Saluja

I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing

— Hussein Nishah

A girl gets in the mood quickly. The woman is always in the mood.

— Nikhil Saluja

If stress was a drug, I would be high as fuck.

— Anonymous

Nephew: I'm leaving the house in NEPHEW minutes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Now I'm living in the past with all these regrets.

— Nikhil Saluja

John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was using Facebook hashtags before they worked.

— Anonymous

To all the students who drop out and fail high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't…

— Itsme867

If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men?

— Anonymous

Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good.

— Anonymous

The Government needs to find a way to make Facebook a career... it would open up so many jobs for people.

— Ryah

I'm changing my Facebook name to no-one so when I send people friend requests it will say no-one wants to be your…

— Arjun Loveable

Next time a blocked number calls you answer like this: 'Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I…

— Anonymous

The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I…

— Nikhil Saluja

Fighting on internet is like competing in the Special Olympics...Even if you win, you are still a Retard

— Chris Sullivan

If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm drunk..i'm high so high and I can kick the sky.

— Raghav Singh

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes

— Hussein Nishah

Relationships are like fat people, Most of them don't work out...

— Anonymous

True love is indescribable, yet self-explanatory.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who remembers blowing air into their Nintendo 64s to get it to work?

— Anonymous

Woman can take unpredictable to a whole new level of psycho if you test them...

— Nikhil Saluja

Every gay guys GPS system would tell him to Go straight. haha

— Will Ferrell

You never realize what you have until its gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

— Itsme867

I decided to burn some calories so I set a fat kid on fire.

— Anonymous

I'm not being lazy, I'm on energy saving mode!..

— Anonymous

The awkward moment when people use photoshop and they still look bad!

— Itsme867

I just bashed my head on the keyboard and accidently wrote the 5th Twilight book!

— Rexxy Rhode

God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro.

— Nikhil Saluja

You can never really say whats' on your mind, when your family is on Facebook.

— Nishan Panwar

Exit Facebook, close laptop, get into bed, unlock phone, check Facebook …

— Anonymous

My penis should make me breakfast on morning. It is always up before I am.

— Anonymous

LOVE, Is like war -- simple to begin but the devil to stop;

— Nikhil Saluja

That urge you get to write no one gives a shit on someones status.

— Becca

I've learned to say Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke in 6 languages.

— Nikhil Saluja

Woman say:YOU NEVER LISTEN. Woman means:You never listen.

— Nikhil Saluja

Life would be much easier if mosquitoes sucked, tension instead of blood

— Anonymous

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, mom I'm a teenager, and not a baby!

— Tanya Bianco

F.A.D. Facebook Addiction Disorder. It's REAL. Google it.

— Brian Zilinek