Funny facebook status Quotes · Page 39

If you're ever feeling down, just remember that I'll always be there to feel you up.

— Nikhil Saluja

Crisis: When dinner is ready, I CRISIS, and my sister comes running.

— Nikhil Saluja

I will not be impressed with technology until I can download food from the internet.

— Carlos Banks

Sometimes, the only thing left to do is to let go even if it's the hardest thing to do.

— Nikhil Saluja

Want to hear the joke about vacuum? nevermind… it's sucks

— Anonymous

Without friendship one can live but how can live without facebook.

— Subhananda

That Rebecca Black moment when you get on the bus & don't know which seat to take.

— Anonymous

Woman who springs on innerspring this spring, gets offspring next spring.

— Nikhil Saluja

The awkward moment when it's quiet in class and ur stomach decides to sound like a dying whale

— Koaml

Me: its so hot in here friend: should I leave? ;D me: no your actually the air conditioner

— Francis

Let's all pretend we're shocked that a professional football player committed sociopathic violence.

— Anonymous

Somtimes when I'm texting someone & dont feel like repeating myself I just FWD the message & makesure I delete the date,…

— Syoung

Ladies, men will listen to all your problems if you learned how to say thank you with a blowjob.

— Ephrem Hardin

That awkward moment when someone skinnier than you says I'm so fat. and you stand there like. -__-

— Itsme867

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

If A Couple In Love Are Called Love Birds, Then A Couple Who Have Fought With Each Other Should Be Called Angry…

— Anurag Prakash Ray

The best way to make people remember you? Borrow money from them.

— Enhance Dreams

My grandfather died during sex. I still cry when I watch the video.

— Nikhil Saluja

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

— Nikhil Saluja

Admit it, you've farted & blamed it on somebody else before.

— Anonymous

The quickest way to get someones attention is to no longer want it.

— Nikhil Saluja

In today's world, the key to success is to delete your Facebook account!

— Anonymous

Got in a wreck with a smart car today, its totaled. My bike is fine though.

— Anonymous

If facebook did have a dislike button there would be a lot of hurt feelings.

— Anonymous

Ladies: Men wouldn't cheat if you did a little less nagging, and a little more gagging.

— Nikhil Saluja

I rather be hated for who I am, then to be loved for who I am not.

— Nikhil Saluja

My Ex-Wife was very hot. She died in burning car.

— Nikhil Saluja

The most common phrase in China: 'Hey! You look familiar!'

— Anonymous

I can't even imagine what people did at red lights before cellphones.

— Anonymous

Yes dad, Every guy I know is my boyfriend...

— Amanda

S.o.b.e.r.= son of a bitch everythings real.

— Anonymous

Stay classy Facebook and go fuck yourselfs...

— Kevin McCarty

There are exceptions is new replyback when someone disagree with your tweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ever had sex while camping? It's fucking in tents.

— Anonymous

Liking your own Facebook status Is like high fiving yourself in public.

— Anonymous

My wife is so bad at sex, I close my eyes and pretend she's my hand.

— Nikhil Saluja

People with funny head shapes always have the best hat collection.

— Joel Taylor

What is 2.5 inches long and can satisfy a woman every-time? A credit card.

— Anonymous

Hey HOE *She Turns Around* Who You Callin a Hoe?.. Bitch You Turned Around!

— Jerett Parker

I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my dad says its ok. :)

— Itsme867