Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Congratulations on buying a car that will go 0-60 in 5 seconds whether you want it to or not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said 'This dumbass put my cape on backwards.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder if a receptionist at a sperm bank has ever used the phrase: 'Thanks for coming.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Teens moms, calling yourself a mother because you gave birth is calling me a doctor because I own Band-aids. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My girlfriend caught me blow drying my penis...She asked what was I doing. Apparently, 'heating up your dinner' wasn't a sexy answer. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, theres nothing right; and on the right side,… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A bill collector called me and I told them I had $17,208,857.23 in Mafia Wars but I'm having a problem transferring the… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Men were born between a woman's legs and spend the rest of their lives trying to get back in them. There's no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You might not be her first...but you can always be her last steal her heart and make her feel loved for a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey Customer Service - Instead of monitoring this call for quality purposes, how about you just listen to what I need and… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Not to name names, but I know some of you update your status from your phone so it appears like you actually… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm much more upset about Breaking Bad's shutdown than about the government's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when you press CTRL + W and never knew what it did until then. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Home alone; Thoughts = Party!!!! WOOOHOOOOO!!! Reality = Peeing with door open... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My boyfriend isn't allowed to watch E.T, why the fuck does he wanna watch his ex girlfriend find her way home. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If ants were the size of humans, they would be able to run twice as fast as a Lamborghini. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you don't have an iPhone I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 Emojis & you can't see none. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Oh you got Swag? Don't forget to put that on your Burger King Application. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Jesus, I can afford wine. How about you start turning water into gas? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear MTV, I'm gonna start my own TV network called RealityTV; RTV and play nothing but music videos. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Just because the seasons are changing doesnt mean your bikini profile picture has to. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when people think my tweets be about them like bitch , aint nobody thinking about you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I don't care what they say, the first guy who milked a cow and drank it was a massive pervert. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You know your addicted to facebook when you keep looking if anyone likes your status... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Let's all pretend we're shocked that a professional football player committed sociopathic violence. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Women may be able to fake an orgasm, but men can fake a whole relationship — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sex is like math: first you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't muliply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
