One of the scariest things ever is flushing a toilet & seeing the water coming up instead of going down. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't do drugs kids. There's a time and place for everything. It's called college. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I aspire to be the beautiful, together person my Facebook profile suggests I am. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The government could fix everything that's wrong with the country if they'd simply read my Facebook updates. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey I Didn't Mean To Interrupt Your Scrolling But Just Wanted To Let You Know, I Was Thinking Of You. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If the world doesnt end on December 21st, 2012, I have a feeling there will be a lot of babies born on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
So I won't give up alcohol, boys, being judgmental or sarcasm but I'll definitely give up drunk texting for Lent. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My wife and I are trying to have a child. But it's so hard to take one out of Chuck E Cheese… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At least my job description doesn't involve repairing the economy or being the new head football coach at Penn State. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My mom thinks WTF means wow that's fantastic...Today I texted her: Mom I got an A on my English test...my Mom said:… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A man yells at his wife "pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery." "Oh wonderful!" she says, "should I pack… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Before someone gets their drivers liscence they should have to beat Rainbow Road on Mario Kart without falling off. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Facebook's timeline is my favorite way to watch girls from high school get fat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 15 minutes yet they choose to call me every half an… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A wise man once told me, if we were all fatter we would be closer together!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The Worst Pain In Life Is When Someone You Know Turns Into Someone You Knew.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If lesbians aren't attracted to men, why are they attracted to women that look like men? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You should really consider creating two Facebook accounts, one for each face. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate it when I'm singing a song and someone joins in! Please, this isn't Glee! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hate when I'm wearing my Apple Bottom jeans and I can't find my boots with the furrrr. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you text me and then within the next 3 minutes send me ???, you will not get a reply. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The closest that I've gotten to murder: Holding Oreos under the milk until the bubbles stop... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them...if you know what I mean. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You're so much better than A-Rod at concealing your drug use on the job. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hope you're feeling okay after being sexually violated by Miley Cyrus last night. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
May your daily meltdown be less public, drug-addled, and cartoonishly insane than Amanda Bynes's. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear inventors of Tampons, How awkward was it for you to explain your invention to everyone? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I would love to start working out, but I'm putting on weight for my before picture. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I called my dad to tell him I was gonna quit drinking and he told me don't be a quitter!.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
