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Funny facebook status Quotes by Anonymous

917 Funny facebook status quotes by Anonymous

All Funny facebook status quotes Anonymous’s page

An anonymous status mixes absurd humor with everyday observations. It jokes about roasting marshmallows on a fire, counts fingers to decide life choices, and points out awkward moments like strangers staring in a neighboring car. It also jokes about the WTF generation of Wikipedia, Twitter, and Facebook.

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Hahaha work it

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I took a shit this morning.

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This is so freaking true

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My mom said to me

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Chips = 70% Air. 30% Chips

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After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says WTF.

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I was going to make a gay joke...butt f*ck it...

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Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

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I'm not lazy,I'm on energy saving mode.

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The world seemed a lot less stupid before Facebook.

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If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping...

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He who laughs last probably didn't get the joke.

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'Are you athletic?' Yes, I surf the Net.

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If Mitt Romney wins this years election, I volunteer as tribute for the Hunger Games.

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If U don't hear from me in a few days, then Just Know Am having Brain Upgrade.

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Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money?! This number is no longer in service...

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Guys use the word friendship to start a relationship. Girls use the word friendship to end it...

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Going to Mcdonalds for salad is like going to a whore for a hug.

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From the moment I saw you, I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you.

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Women and Washing Machines are similar in a way, you have to use your hands in their absence.

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Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

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There is nothing as disgusting as the feeling you get the moment that your finger breaks through the toilet paper.

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I LOVE EVERYONE...SOME I LOVE TO BE AROUND, SOME I LOVE TO AVOID...AND SOME I WOULD LOVE TO PUNCH ON THEIR FACE...!!…

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I want to deactivate my FB account, but I know I would be proud of myself and want to announce it to…

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Dear vending machines, I'm sorry if my dollar isn't straight enough for you. Sincerely, stop being so homophobic.

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That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know…

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That awkward moment when you're checking yourself out in the window of another car and realize there's someone inside.

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Facebook is that insecure chick that keeps changing her hairstyle &/or color until she finally loses her mind and shaves it &…

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If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has…

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Its a new drug thats becoming more potent by the day floating around and got people mind gone worse than crack its…

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Since today is Valentine's day, I was wondering if you'd like to go back to MySpace, so I can Twitter with your…

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Girls are the best vehicles in the world because: 2 beautiful headlights in front, 2 great bumbers at the back, self-lubricating when…

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On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics,…

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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening…

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It takes 7seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of the penis is…

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A Girl died n went to heaven. . God was surprised to see her heart was still beating. . God asked her,…

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Me? Behave? Seriously!! As a child I saw Tarzan almost naked, Cinderella arrived home after midnight, Pinocchio told lies, Aladdin was a…

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Oh, you're a model? What's your agency? Instagram...

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You'll have to speak up... I'm wearing a towel.

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My relationship is like an iPad; I don't have an iPad.

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Other authors on Funny facebook status

More by Anonymous

And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back

Life is full of change. That's how we learn and grow.

You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.…

Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t…

Everyone needs someone to love, and I choose you.

“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care…

Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,…

Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past…

Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer…

Im sorry I ever tried...

Being betrayed by the one you love is the worst feeling in the world...

Let children support their parents or be imprisoned.

The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much.

“Start a business, not a startup”

The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,…