Easily the best thing about Facebook: The ability to read other people's fights. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
No officer, I didn't see you in my rear view...my eyes haven't left my phone for at least the past 5 miles... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I love rumors they always tell me something new about my self and my life.. that I neverr knew! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes I get my wife and my GPS mixed up...they both tell me what to do every 30 feet. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone once told me nothing lasts forever .. so will you be my nothing? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't tell if you have a better life than me, or better photo filters. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I wonder how some people can keep up with both their Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook...I cant even keep up with the Kardashians. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If You Want To Remove Your Wrinkles, Pimples, Face Marks & The Signs Of Skin Aging Try . . . . . . ADOBE PHOTOSHOP.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what will you pay me? Husband: I won't… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching...my car into reverse and driving away from the accident. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear guys, please do not talk about how big your muscles are and how much you bench. I'd rather watch paint dry.… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Always take your drivers license pic STONED, that way whenever you get pulled over, the cop will think you always look like… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If my name was Mario I'd get into as many relationships as I can just so I could break up with them… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I felt so bad last night for having this one night stand, the following day I got another one for the other… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Your FB profile says 'Single and ready to mingle!' ??? Sorry dude, you're just a 'Loner with a Boner.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that text to 10 people. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I feel like getting some work done, so I'm going to sit here until the feeling passes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A real man can stay loyal to his woman without getting sidetracked by hoes. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Always have something beautiful in sight, even if it's only a poster on a wall. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
At the eye doctor...Doctor: Please read the lowest line you can. Me: Made in China. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My daughter said she's gonna be a hoe for Halloween. I think it's cute that she likes gardening. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when you predict the end of the world and nothing happens :P — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure I have a defective iphone 5, I keep pressing the home button and I'm still at work. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught, It's like Facebook but real life..:) — Anonymous Copy Share Image
My mind says Victoria Secret model, but my heart says chocolate, pizza, food. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
And a tear rolled down her cheek, as she said goodbye; because she's walking away, and she's never looking back — Anonymous Copy Share
You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear.… — Anonymous Copy Share
Scrabble - The game is available in Braille. That’s a nice fact. This makes me feel better about humanity for some reason. I can’t… — Anonymous Copy Share
“THIS tale of my sore-troubled life I write, To thank the God of nature, who conveyed My soul to me, and with such care… — Anonymous Copy Share
Put on my J's and dance the whole night away Im naughty by nature like Im hip-hop hooray With my hands in the sky,… — Anonymous Copy Share
Me.. I have been through a lot, but I still manage to have a smile on my face. Im not worried about the past… — Anonymous Copy Share
Distance is a test of love. many will fail for those who can't withstand it, but for those who can, theres only one answer… — Anonymous Copy Share
The only person I've ever purposely caused pain here is myself...By simply sharing, caring too much. — Anonymous Copy Share
The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the Ten Commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion,… — Anonymous Copy Share
