To all those who said I couldn't make jokes about blind people...watch me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A mistake is only a mistake when you dont learn from it. Otherwise it is a LESSON. — Enhance Dreams Copy Share Image
Saying something stupid and thinking, 'Yeah, that sounded way better in my head.' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you think someone is ignoring you when in reality you just didn't press send. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Never mind, it's too long. — Patience Jr Kibabatoko Copy Share Image
Dear 11 year olds on Facebook with Its complicated. Seriously? What did he do? Steal your animal crackers? — Pretty Ladii Copy Share Image
The only time you can call shotgun is when you can see the car. Don't try to claim it two hours before… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That moment when you have a really clever facebook status and a family member comments on it and just ruins the whole… — Sean Tedford Copy Share Image
Some people need to think about how they would feel if they were put in the situation they are putting others in.… — Brii Ann Copy Share Image
Heels are a male invention designed to make a woman's butt look smaller, and to make it harder for them to run… — Amanda Bynes Copy Share Image
I hate facebook stalkers, they like every status you put up, talk to EVERY DAY, and when you cut them off they… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm pretty sure my grandmom watches over me whenever I masturbate. The sound of that walker is so unbearable. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: Gently aging, but still a warmand desirable place to visit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some day, you will trust me again...but for now, I'm sorry that our love had to end. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies; at least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture there. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'd like to shake the man's hand who first thought about putting chocolate syrup in milk. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That awesome moment when you drop your iPod and but your headphone cords save its life. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Someone is always gonna talk about you.. so you might as well give them something to talk about — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got a dream thats worth more then my reality. And pride thats worth more then a salary. — Strawberry Copy Share Image
I hate finding out that theres no milk in the fridge AFTER Ive already poured my cereal. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facebook should change the relationship status from 'Its complicated' to 'Sammie and Ronnie' — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Best of luck not getting murdered by the roommate you found on Craigslist. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Fellas: If you want your girl to remain an Angel...create a heaven for her. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If two past lovers can remain friends, its either they are still in love, or never were. — Cuts And Scars Copy Share Image
Like if you always wanted to have the force like Popeye after eating Spinach — Kand3n Copy Share Image
