Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
You know you're on stage being the life of the party and trying to get laughs, and then, in a lot of… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Richard Lewis is the master at taking a joke that he's told a million times in a row in the past year,… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Historically, a successful life in comedy is a dream that's as equally pondered and unpursued as being an astronaut. — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if… — Artie Lange Copy Share Image
The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation. — Artie Lange Copy Share
It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy.… — Artie Lange Copy Share
It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out… — Artie Lange Copy Share
A-Rod wants to be like Babe Ruth. And people don't realize this, he's a lot like Babe Ruth. Before the playoffs a couple of… — Artie Lange Copy Share
At the Mirage Sportsbook, you can get a line on 2 kid playing wiffleball in the backyard in Minnesota — Artie Lange Copy Share
Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to… — Artie Lange Copy Share
By the time I am Howard's age I hope to be long retired. I don't plan on working that long. — Artie Lange Copy Share
The regular guy still relates to him and Howard is a $500 million guy now who dates a model and drives about in a… — Artie Lange Copy Share
The only reason I can't recommend heroin to kids is because the effects wear off. — Artie Lange Copy Share
Richard Lewis has this incredible ability to look like he's just... you know it's an act that's been honed. What you have to do… — Artie Lange Copy Share
In Hollywood, there is another name for a woman's 40th birthday party, it's a retirement party. — Artie Lange Copy Share
It's not a drug problem, until you run out of money. Until then it's just drugs. — Artie Lange Copy Share
