Quote by Scary Movie

“The old vacuum cleaner keeps dying on her over and over until at last the cleaning woman scares it by yelling: "Motherfucker!”

— Lydia Davis

“Unfortunately, I had a feeling I would never get to my bed as the vacuuming would strike me dead of an aneurysm. Death by…

— Kate Brian

“Fuck me! She sucks better than a Dyson. I swear all vacuums would bow at her feet if they were aware of her talents.”

— K.M. Golland

“Julius told me how much you’d grown, but I couldn’t believe it. Carter, I bet you’re shaving—” “Mom.” “—and dating girls—” “Mom!” Have you…

— Rick Riordan

“The only thing my mother told me about sex was that I was never going to get any.”

— Doug Graham

“When I was a kid my mom used to tell me that if i have sex before i was married, my... junk would turn…

— Cynthia Hand

“...my mom always telling me that a man with clean nails hides his dirt on the inside.”

— Laura McHugh

“If you’re a MOM who has no idea what you’re doing, but you do the best you can with whatever gets thrown your way…

— Comic Strip Mama

“This next part might cheer you up. So my mom told me she was gonna drive me to my appointment at the sperm bank,…

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

(mother)" She used to tell me to get my nose out of my book and go get some fresh air.

— Emily Giffin

“Try an’ try,” he said, “but when it comes day’s end, I can’t wash the pig off me. And your mother never complains. Not…

— Robert Newton Peck

“THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”

— George Carlin