"I took my kid to the circus. 'How……" — Robert Schimmel
"I took my kid to the circus. 'How do they teach a bear how to ride a bike?' 'It's easy, honey, they nail his feet to the pedals, and they beat the crap out of him. He's not riding; he's running. He just happens to be attached to the bike.'"
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Robert Schimmel
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22 Quotes by Robert Schimmel
Robert Schimmel has 22 quotes on this site.
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Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy.
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What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's…
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So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: 'You know, maybe you're suffering from…
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Caution: Anal intercourse may lead to irregular heart rhythms. Yeah, you know I'm never gonna have to worry about that.…
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One of my friends goes: 'So, you know what really turns me on; when girls talk dirty in bed.' Yeah…
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What is it with the animals with the bikes? I took my daughter to the circus. She said: 'Daddy, how…
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So because of my act my daughter thinks she can talk to me about anything. She's been dating the same…
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I sit down with my daughter and I said, 'Do you know how babies get here?' And she said, 'Well,…
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It's my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude…
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I was making love one night with my wife and she said: 'You're in me.' I know where I am,…
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Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was the other way…
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I'm not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can't do…
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