Billions Quote by Milton Berle

“Santa is having a tough time this year. Last year he deducted eight billion for gifts, and the IRS wants an itemized list”

Milton Berle

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Billions Christmas Eight Funny money Irs Last year Lasts Lists Santa Time Tough Tough time Tough times Want Years

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A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, Did you miss a step? No, he answers,…

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Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

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Like every comedian, if I heard a joke that I thought would work, I used it.

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My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

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When I was in school, one of my teachers was crazy about me. I once heard her tell another teacher, "I wish he was…

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I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd…

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Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once…

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The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

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If you hire relatives, you'll have a payroll that won't quit.

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It's amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!

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I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor…

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I like to think of myself as the middleman between Fred Allen and Henny Youngman.

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Explore all 135 Milton Berle quotes

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If I had a dollar for every time I couldn’t sleep, I could buy a billion locks and finally read a book in peace.

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As far as Japan is concerned, I want to help all of our allies, but we are losing billions and billions of dollars. We…

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Right now, the government is spending billions of dollars supporting the problem-makers in the U.S. economy - the polluters, despoilers, incarcerators, and warmongers.

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If Jesus is the Son of God in human flesh, He's one of a kind of the 13 billions of people who have ever lived.

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Here we were talking about economic development, about investing billions of dollars in various programs, and I could see it wasn't billions of dollars…

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Everyone thinks they've won the Magical Belief Lottery. Everyone thinks they more or less have a handle on things, that they, as opposed to…

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Most neuroses and some psychoses can be traced to the unnecessary and unhealthy habit of daily wallowing in the troubles and sins of five…

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The technology involved in making anything invisible is so infinitely complex that nine hundred and ninety-nine billion, nine hundred and ninety-nine million, nine hundred…

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