"I thought for like five years that when……" — Louis C. K.
"I thought for like five years that when you have sex, you come and one of your balls comes out. That's what I thought happened, that you have to come a ball out of that little whole at the tip of your dick. I was terrified! That's what I thought, you just...Bahh! And you push a ball out and she's screaming and there's blood everywhere...and you can only do it twice and then you're out of balls. That's what I thought. You come and have two babies, and then you just walk around with an empty sack for the rest of your life. Which turned out to be true..."
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Louis C. K.
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199 Quotes by Louis C. K.
Louis C. K. has 199 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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I found out that I'm a pretty bad father. I make a lot of mistakes and I don't know what…
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When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs…
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Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can't dress and feed…
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People say there's delays on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours, that used to take 30…
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People come back from flights and tell you a story like it's a horror story. That's how bad they make…
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Spend time with your kids and have your own ideas about what they need. It won't take away your manhood;…
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...Then I got divorced and everything changed, and I became a father in a whole new way and found a…
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When you're a father in a marriage, you sort of become the mother's assistant. And you sort of get a…
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One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group…
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How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men?…
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There's a reason it's called 'girls gone wild' and not 'women gone wild'. When girls go wild, they show their…
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You know what, it's not your life, it's life. Life is bigger than you, if you can imagine that. Life…
See all 199 quotes by Louis C. K. »
More Babies Quotes
This quote is filed under Babies Quotes,
one of 838 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Apart from anything else, I am designed by evolution, like we all are: if we see a little thing like…
— David Attenborough
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If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you…
— Dave Barry
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I do believe babies are born potty-trained. They're born knowing and are able to give subtle signals that become very…
— Mayim Bialik
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There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.
— Gisele Bundchen
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Father asked us what was God's noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but…
— Louisa May Alcott
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My mother goes crazy over babies. Some people just do. They love 'em! I never have. Babies scare me more…
— Margaret Cho
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It is the nature of babies to be in bliss.
— Deepak Chopra
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The tabloids, instead of being about alien babies and stuff, it's my triplets, quadruplets, marriages, feuds.
— Jennifer Aniston
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Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're…
— George Carlin
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The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the…
— Rajneesh
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"I call them april babies cause they fools"
— Lil Wayne
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I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food.
— Robert Orben
See all 838 Babies Quotes »