Quote by Kevin Hearne

““At that point Daddy took them to a cemetery and said, “Here, kids—what you need is a nice corpse snack. Clotted blood! Om nom nom!””

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More by Kevin Hearne

Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.

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“Like many silly codes of bravery and manliness, the meat of my father’s instruction on how to die well can be distilled to a…

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Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.

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“Hence the reason I encourage you to believe what you wish. The heaven of teh Pastafarians is supposed to have beer volcanoes, which sounds…

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Awesome! I'd just bullied Jesus into doing a shot with me. Nobody would ever believe it, but I didn't care. We ordered the insanely…

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“I thought for the longest time that chicken-fried steak was steak that had been fried by specially trained chickens,”

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When he said to give him the sword, I don’t think he meant for you to stick it in his guts.

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“Oh sweet kraken tits.”

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“No. See, when you throw up you're vomiting, but when you throw down you're starting a fight, as in throwing down the gauntlet." "Ohhhh,"…

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“The grin on his face wasn’t the affable, friendly sort; instead, it was the sociopathic rictus of the irretrievably, bug-fuckeringly insane”

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“What sealed the deal for me was that the cloak wouldn't come off without a generous donation of my tears. Those used to be…

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