"Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come……" — Jon Stewart
"Much of John Kerry's recent surge has come at the expense of Howard Dean. The situation reflected in his hot new bumper sticker, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry.' It's cute and a lot more tasteful than the alternative version, 'Dated Dean, Married Kerry, Finger-Banged Kucinich.'"
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Jon Stewart
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230 Quotes by Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart has 230 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates…
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is…
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Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let…
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Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it.
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Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell…
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Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys…
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I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried…
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If…
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A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him…
See all 230 quotes by Jon Stewart »
More Alternative Quotes
This quote is filed under Alternative Quotes,
one of 736 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a…
— Mary Kay Ash
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The clear problem of the outlawing of insult is that too many things can be interpreted as such. Criticism, ridicule,…
— Rowan Atkinson
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I'd like to give zero out capital gains tax and zero out the dividends tax, zero out alternative minimum tax,…
— Michele Bachmann
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In the past I have defended the right of the IRA to engage in armed struggle. I did so because…
— Gerry Adams
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You got to be just stupid to not be focused on alternative energy.
— Lewis Black
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You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good…
— Tom Brokaw
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Education must, be not only a transmission of culture but also a provider of alternative views of the world and…
— Jerome Bruner
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Ageing's alright, better than the alternative, which is not being here.
— George H. W. Bush
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The United States prefers that Iraq meet its obligations voluntarily, yet we are prepared for the alternative.
— George W. Bush
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Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative.
— Maurice Chevalier
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You just have to stand and grit your teeth and know your poll numbers are going to go down -…
— Chris Christie
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In war as in life, it is often necessary when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best…
— Winston Churchill
See all 736 Alternative Quotes »