"After a long investigation the SEC has fined……" — Jon Stewart
"After a long investigation the SEC has fined Halliburton $7.5 million for issuing fraudulent statements exaggerating their profits in 1998 and 1999 during which their CEO was - oh who was it? Oh that's right. ... Cheney himself has not been implicated in the scandal and according to Cheney's lawyer there is no allegation whatsoever that he acted in any way other than in the best interests of the company and its shareholders. And you know what? It's still true today."
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Jon Stewart
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230 Quotes by Jon Stewart
Jon Stewart has 230 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates…
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I'm doing everything I can to sabotage my career. It's a little thing called "fear of success".
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is…
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Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let…
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Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it.
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Don't confuse [Father's Day] with Valentine's Day, and here's why. Boy, will you creep him out. I can just tell…
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Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys…
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I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried…
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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I've always run by the hierarchy of 'If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If…
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A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him…
See all 230 quotes by Jon Stewart »
More According Quotes
This quote is filed under According Quotes,
one of 1,971 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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People usually think according to their inclinations, speak according to their learning and ingrained opinions, but generally act according to…
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A Truth is the subjective development of that which is at once both new and universal. New: that which is…
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According to God's word, everybody at some point is going to be given the opportunity to know the truth.
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I'm very focused on the world and my career and my Porsche turbo and making money and Stevie B. Inc.…
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Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never…
— Dave Barry
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Liberty, according to my metaphysics is a self-determining power in an intellectual agent. It implies thought and choice and power.
— John Adams
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According to some Eastern religion, there is a belt that goes across the world, and I've heard that Minnesota is…
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According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
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The position that I take partly as a result of living in Asia is where you stop living according to…
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You can plan events, but if they go according to your plan they are not events.
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He is rich or poor according to what he is, not according to what he has.
— Henry Ward Beecher
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Racism is an ism to which everyone in the world today is exposed; for or against, we must take sides.…
— Ruth Benedict
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