Abandonment Quote by John Bradshaw
““When children have shame-based parents, they identify with them. This is the first step in the child’s internalizing shame because the children carry their parent’s shame. ABANDONMENT: THE LEGACY OF BROKEN MUTUALITY Shame is internalized when one is abandoned. Abandonment is the precise term to describe how one loses one’s authentic self and ceases to exist psychologically. Children cannot know who they are without reflective mirrors. Mirroring is done by one’s primary caregivers and is crucial in the first years of life. Abandonment includes the loss of mirroring. Parents who are shut down emotionally (all shame-based parents) cannot mirror and affirm their children’s emotions.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Healing the Shame that Binds You, 1988
Shame is passed from parents to children when emotional support is missing, causing loss of authentic self.
In simple terms: Children inherit shame when caregivers lack emotional mirroring.
Key Takeaway
Provide nurturing, reflective support to children.
Themes
shame
parenting
identity
psychology
Mood
reflective
empathetic
Type
therapeutic
educational
When to use this quote
- family therapy
- parenting workshops
- school counseling
Key Concepts
attachment theory
self‑esteem
emotional neglect
Questions to Reflect On
- How can caregivers become better mirrors?
- What practices restore authentic self‑identity?
A Different Perspective
Changing deep‑seated shame takes time and effort.
