““Children have an amazing ability to perceive this need in the parent(s). The true self of the child seems to know it unconsciously. I’ll expand on this in Chapter Thirteen. By taking on the role of supplying his shame-based parent’s narcissistic gratification, the child secures love and a sense of being needed and not abandoned. This process is a reversal of the order of nature. Now the child is taking care of the parents’ needs, rather than the parents taking care of the child’s needs. This caregiver role is strangely paradoxical. In an attempt to secure parental love and avoid being abandoned, the child is in fact being abandoned. Since the child is there for the parent, there is no one to mirror the child’s feelings and drives and nurture the child’s needs.””
