Children Quote by John Bradshaw
““Children have an amazing ability to perceive this need in the parent(s). The true self of the child seems to know it unconsciously. I’ll expand on this in Chapter Thirteen. By taking on the role of supplying his shame-based parent’s narcissistic gratification, the child secures love and a sense of being needed and not abandoned. This process is a reversal of the order of nature. Now the child is taking care of the parents’ needs, rather than the parents taking care of the child’s needs. This caregiver role is strangely paradoxical. In an attempt to secure parental love and avoid being abandoned, the child is in fact being abandoned. Since the child is there for the parent, there is no one to mirror the child’s feelings and drives and nurture the child’s needs.””
About This Quote
Source Book: Healing the Shame that Binds You, John Bradshaw, 1988
Children may unconsciously try to meet their parents' emotional deficits, believing this will secure love, but it leaves their own needs unmet.
In simple terms: Kids try to fix parents, losing their own needs.
Key Takeaway
Recognize and meet your own emotional needs.
Themes
family dynamics
codependency
emotional neglect
parent‑child roles
Mood
reflective
concerned
insightful
Type
psychological
educational
therapeutic
When to use this quote
- therapy sessions
- parenting workshops
- self‑care planning
- support groups
- family counseling
Key Concepts
narcissistic gratification
reversal of natural order
mirroring
attachment theory
Questions to Reflect On
- How can you differentiate caring for others from neglecting yourself?
- What signs show you are mirroring a parent’s unmet needs?
A Different Perspective
The child’s effort to care for parents can reinforce the parents’ dependency and prevent healthy boundaries.
