"When you go to a party at somebody's……" — Jack Handey
"When you go to a party at somebody's house, don't automatically assume that the drinks are free. Ask, and ask often."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Ask Quotes
This quote is filed under Ask Quotes,
one of 8,438 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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We must no more ask whether the soul and body are one than ask whether the wax and the figure…
— Aristotle
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Ask yourself the secret of your success. Listen to your answer, and practice it.
— Richard Bach
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If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you'll end up saying you hate them just because…
— Billie Joe Armstrong
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If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know.
— Louis Armstrong
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I began wearing hats as a young lawyer because it helped me to establish my professional identity. Before that, whenever…
— Bella Abzug
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I could be on 52nd and Third in Manhattan up and ask a strange for directions and they will help…
— Rodney Atkins
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To save your world you asked this man to die; would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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Before people complain of the obscurity of modern poetry, they should first examine their consciences and ask themselves with how…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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If two friends ask you to judge a dispute, don't accept, because you will lose one friend; on the other…
— Saint Augustine
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It is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing…
— Jane Austen
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The Holy Spirit is our comforter, our teacher. That's why, in prayer, we can ask the Lord to open up…
— Michele Bachmann
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I'm not an actor that tends to care. I don't ask 'Is this a close up? Is this a master?…
— Christian Bale
See all 8,438 Ask Quotes »