"If you were a pirate, you know what……" — Jack Handey
"If you were a pirate, you know what would be the one thing that would really make you mad? Treasure chests with no handles. How the hell are you supposed to carry it?!"
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Carry Quotes
This quote is filed under Carry Quotes,
one of 2,950 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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In the holy city of Mecca, violence of any kind was forbidden. From the moment they left home, pilgrims were…
— Karen Armstrong
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Folks have to pin me down because, for one thing, I don't have a laptop. I don't have an iPhone,…
— Dan Aykroyd
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The proportion between the velocity with which men or animals move, and the weights they carry, is a matter of…
— Charles Babbage
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And I figured out that the reason I couldn't get through the day as well as I can now is…
— Erykah Badu
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For memory, we use our imagination. We take a few strands of real time and carry them with us, then…
— John Banville
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Greatness lies, not in being strong, but in the right using of strength; and strength is not used rightly when…
— Henry Ward Beecher
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I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is:…
— Jack Benny
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The fellowship of true friends who can hear you out, share your joys, help carry your burdens, and correctly counsel…
— Ezra Taft Benson
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In government you carry each hope; each disillusion. And in politics it's always about the next challenge.
— Tony Blair
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I also always carry my flute. It's very important for me to try to relax when I'm travelling, and playing…
— Andrea Bocelli
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My undertaking is not difficult, essentially. I should only have to be immortal to carry it out.
— Jorge Luis Borges
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The finest plans have always been spoiled by the littleness of them that should carry them out. Even emperors can't…
— Bertolt Brecht
See all 2,950 Carry Quotes »