Choosing Quote by Harriet Lerner
“The first world we find ourselves in is a family that is not of our choosing.”
About This Quote
Source Book: The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, 1985
We often inherit social roles and expectations that feel imposed rather than chosen, shaping our identity and relationships.
In simple terms: We belong to a family we didn’t choose.
Key Takeaway
Recognize and reshape inherited expectations.
Themes
identity
family
choice
social roles
Mood
reflective
empathetic
Type
advice
philosophical
When to use this quote
- marriage
- parenting
- career decisions
- cultural assimilation
Key Concepts
psychology
family systems
self-determination
Questions to Reflect On
- How do you differentiate between inherited expectations and personal values?
- What steps can you take to create chosen supportive community?
A Different Perspective
Not all family bonds are supportive; some may limit autonomy.
![“[Our family is] a wonderfully messy arrangement, in which relationships overlap, underlie, support, and opposeone another. It didn't always come together easily nor doesit always stay together easily. It's known very good times and very bad ones. It has heldtogether, often out of shared memories…” quote by Marge Kennedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/511/marge-kennedy-62948_family_our-family-is-a-wonderfully-messy-arrang_1553280.jpg)
![“[Our family is] a wonderfully messy arrangement, in which relationships overlap, underlie, support, and oppose one another. It didn't always come together easily nor does it always stay together easily. It's known very good times and very bad ones. It has held together, often out of shared…” quote by Marge M. Kennedy](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/ad1/marge-m-kennedy-48248_arrangements_our-family-is-a-wonderfully-messy-arrang_843487.jpg)
