"When I heated my home with oil, I……" — Dave Barry
"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer."
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Dave Barry
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508 Quotes by Dave Barry
Dave Barry has 508 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
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Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
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Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
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Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the…
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The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management…
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
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The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look…
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We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out…
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The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
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The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
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Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers…
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Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only…
See all 508 quotes by Dave Barry »
More Average Quotes
This quote is filed under Average Quotes,
one of 1,590 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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The average Nigerian person has come to reconcile himself with the fact that his or her social progress remain essentially…
— Ibrahim Babangida
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I think that it's important that the American people know that Barack Obama didn't have a mild association with Bill…
— Michele Bachmann
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On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
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For almost anyone who chooses to be a writer, since so very few writers are able to learn a living…
— Russell Banks
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I made my living being 20 or 30 pounds heavier than the average model. And that's where I got famous.
— Tyra Banks
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There is no such thing as an underestimate of average intelligence.
— Henry Adams
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I had two family members involved in World War I: two great-uncles. One of them is on a memorial in…
— Ben Barnes
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I will barnstorm American living rooms. Mainstream media will be unable to ignore me, but more importantly they will be…
— Roseanne Barr
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The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all…
— Dave Barry
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It takes a real storm in the average person's life to make him realize how much worrying he has done…
— Bruce Barton
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If a speculator is correct half of the time, he is hitting a good average. Even being right 3 or…
— Bernard Baruch
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Just to keep up with population growth, on average our economy needs to be adding about 125,000 jobs per month.
— Bob Beauprez
See all 1,590 Average Quotes »