Worst Gift Quotes by Johnny Carson

More Quotes by Johnny Carson

Johnny Carson has 57 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

• Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace.…
• I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he…
• If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
• I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
• Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
• Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
• Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.
• Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready.…
• Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
• Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
• For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

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