Witty Facebook Status Quotes

109 quotes by 68 authors

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. — Dave Barry
I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts. — Arnold Schwarzenegger
Sure God created man before woman, but then again you always make a rough draft before creating the final masterpiece. — Robert Bloch
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't — Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it. — Bob Hope
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. — Steven Wright
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it. — Oscar Wilde
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch. — Jack Nicholson
Women always worry about the things that men forget; men always worry about the things women remember — Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings
I woke at wrong side of facebook, today is going to be such a drag — Hussein Nishah
Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, theres nothing right; and on the right side, theres nothing left — Hussein Nishah
When people say life is short. What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer? — Babloo
If people could see the face I make when I read their Facebook status updates, they would probably unfriend me. — Danish
Say it to my face, not through your status! — Unknow
I don't need to flirt, I will seduce you with my awkwardness. — Jazen Benitez
One of my very close friends asked me -: Hey! Did you learn Arabic? And I replied . . . . . . . *ILLA* — Irfan Khan
It isnt homework unless its due tomorrow. — Superman
A beautiful night is when you hug your teddy and go to sleep, but a horror night is when your teddy hugs you back!!!! =) — Superman
Nothing is permanent !! And, You are nothing for me !! — Irfan Khan
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. — Rachel

Who Wrote These Witty Facebook Status Quotes

68 authors contributed a total of 109 Witty Facebook Status Quotes, led by these top contributors: