Best Humour Proverbs

554 Humour quotes by 412 unique authors

London Fashion Week is so different from any of the others. Compared to the strictness in New York, London seems freer from commercial constraints. Truer… — Alexa Chung
I can't pretend that I'm a great student of the art of comedy because anybody that becomes philosophical about humour doesn't know what he's talking… — Jackie Mason
The purpose of satire has been rightly stated as to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion and cosy half truth, and our job, as… — Michael Flanders
He laughs best whose laugh lasts. — Laurence J. Peter
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone… — John Kenneth Galbraith
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. — Ambrose Bierce
APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider — Ambrose Bierce
ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. — Ambrose Bierce
BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. — Ambrose Bierce
DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. — Ambrose Bierce
DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors. — Ambrose Bierce
EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. — Ambrose Bierce
FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs — Ambrose Bierce
GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the… — Ambrose Bierce
GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter… — Ambrose Bierce
GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention… — Ambrose Bierce
HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many… — Ambrose Bierce
HOMÅ’OPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession. — Ambrose Bierce
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate… — Ambrose Bierce
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to… — Ambrose Bierce
MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women. — Ambrose Bierce
OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors. — Ambrose Bierce
PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one. — Ambrose Bierce
RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with. — Ambrose Bierce
RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For… — Ambrose Bierce

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