Best Funny Marriage Wisdom
244 Funny Marriage quotes by 163 unique authors
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If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting.
— Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
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When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.
— William Shakespeare
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Hate the sin, love the sinner.
— Mahatma Gandhi
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Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in…
— Robert Browning
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And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate.
— Dodie Smith
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My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.
— Joyce Brothers
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
— Groucho Marx
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Never forget the nine most important words of any family- I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me.
— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
— P.G. Wodehouse
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Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
— Samuel Johnson
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Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
— William Shakespeare
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
— Milton Berle
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We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up…
— Robert Fulghum
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The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by…
— Bruce R. McConkie
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One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest…
— Ezra Taft Benson
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Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without.
— James Dobson
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you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!
— Bill Maher
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Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
— Voltaire
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Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.
— Jonathan Franzen
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Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have…
— Mark Twain
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A woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart.
— William Shakespeare
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It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can.
— George Bernard Shaw
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When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the…
— Albert Einstein
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A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.
— Ruth Graham
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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
— Henny Youngman
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Who Wrote These Funny Marriage Quotes
163 authors contributed a total of 244 Funny Marriage Quotes, led by these top contributors: