Best Funny Marriage Sayings

244 Funny Marriage quotes by 163 unique authors

I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it… — Brendan Behan
True charity ought to begin in marriage, for it is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day. — James E. Faust
Equal partnerships are not made in heaven-they are made on earth, one choice at a time, one conversation at a time, one threshold crossing at… — Bruce C. Hafen
Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small.… — Henry B. Eyring
Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with… — Russell M. Nelson
The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever. — Russell M. Nelson
I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful. — James E. Faust
Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. — Russell M. Nelson
What women want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just… — Dave Barry
Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong. — Bob Hope
You kissed me like that when I was a blushing bride ...? I wonder what I was blushing about? — Gracie Allen
The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years… — Adam Ferrara
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world. — Bill Engvall
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry, lonely women, you'll… — Tina Fey
Marriage is great. It'll calm you down - that and neutering. — Kevin Nealon
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer. — Bob Monkhouse
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die. — Johnny Carson
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So… — Red Skelton
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested… — Red Skelton
I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring.… — Adam Ferrara
My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara
If we (Lauren and Jim) ever get married, we're just going to put helmets on, run into each other from a hundred yards, and smash… — Jim Carrey
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you. — Kristen Schaal
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men… — Tim Allen
I've done a lot of Fox shows since then - Married with Children, Living Single and a whole bunch of other Fox things. — Gilbert Gottfried

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163 authors contributed a total of 244 Funny Marriage Quotes, led by these top contributors:

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