Funny Drinking Quotes

28 Funny Drinking quotes by 25 unique authors

I am a drinker with writing problems. — Brendan Behan
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony. — Robert Benchley
Trumpets are a bit more adventurous; they're drunk! Trumpeters are generally drunk. It wets their whistle. — Paul McCartney
Nobody cares that you're smart and nobody cares that your kids don't have bruises. — Jim Jefferies
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. — Kinky Friedman
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. — Rodney Dangerfield
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. — W.C. Fields
I try not to drink too much because when I'm drunk, I bite. — Bette Midler
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. — David Lee Roth
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. — Mark Twain
Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. — Tom Waits
I can resist everything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde
I like to have a martini, Two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host. — Dorothy Parker
I drink to make other people more interesting. — Ernest Hemingway
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others. — Raymond Chandler
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers. — Chelsea Handler
Here's to alcohol, the rose colored glasses of life. — F. Scott Fitzgerald
Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I go To heal my heart and drown my woe Rain may fall, and wind may blow And many… — J.R.R. Tolkien
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol. — Steve Martin
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again. — Charles Bukowski
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. — W.C. Fields
A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow… — Winston Churchill
The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher. — Dean Martin
Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets. — Dudley Moore
The only way that I could figure they could improve upon Coca-Cola, one of life's most delightful elixirs, which studies prove will heal the sick… — Lewis Grizzard

Who Wrote These Funny Drinking Quotes

25 authors contributed a total of 28 Funny Drinking Quotes as follows: